#he is not empathetic he is not particularly nice but they Want to be good- or at least not as bad as they could be | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

jinkoh · 2 months ago

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sorry for your next ex

juyeon x fem!reader

maybe it was never your fault that you and your ex didn't work out. because the right person will love you gently

wc: 1.8k, tags: established relationship, hurt/comfort, unreliable narrator, written from the pov of your shitty ex, juyeon is so very in love with you, warnings: implied past toxic relationship, implied social anxiety/mental health issues, mentions of alcohol, SFW

a/n: this might be a bit of an odd one? but i just felt like challenging myself to write from a different pov so here we are~

masterlist

Your ex-boyfriend felt sorry for Juyeon. He wasn’t particularly close with him, but he knew he was a nice guy. Popular too. He could do so much better. Your ex tried to warn him time and time again, but Juyeon didn’t seem to get it.

"Be careful with that one," he said to him once, when he stumbled into Juyeon at campus. Juyeon was clearly waiting for you, watching from afar as you said goodbye to your friends.

"Huh?" He turned around to him, confusion apparent on his features, "Who are you again?"

Of course, of course, that was to be expected. Again, him and Juyeon had never been particularly close and Juyeon, always the popular kid, surely had too many faces and names he needed to remember.

"I've been with her before," your ex explained, not at all offended about Juyeon’s ignorance.

"Ah. I see." Juyeon's face was pretty blank as he turned back around, but your ex couldn’t let the conversation end like that. It didn't seem like Juyeon understood the gravity of his situation at all. Poor, oblivious Juyeon.

“I’m sure things are still nice now,” he continued, “in the beginning it felt like that for me, too,” he emphasized his words with an empathetic nod, “But don’t be fooled.”

Juyeon’s face was still blank as he glanced back over. “I don’t really know what you’re talking about.”

Well, while Juyeon was kind and friendly, your ex couldn’t deny that he was also a little bit slow. But he didn’t get the chance to explain further, because you’d seemingly finished your chit chat with your friends and were making your way over. Your face turned a little sour upon spotting your ex next to your boyfriend. He’d always hated that expression of yours, the way your eyebrows would scrunch up and eyes narrow. It made you look older and bitter.

Juyeon had started to walk in your direction the moment he’d noticed you were done. He hadn’t even said goodbye, but your ex wasn’t so petty to hold a grudge over a little thing like that.

“What were you talking about?” he overheard you asking your boyfriend, throwing your ex an irritated side eye.

“Not sure,” Juyeon simply replied, “I didn’t really get it.”

Despite such a setback, it was too early to give up. He was too good of a person to let Juyeon suffer the same fate he had.

So, another time, when he just so happened to witness a scene between you and your boyfriend on campus, he decided to approach again, walking over once you'd rushed into the faculty building. Maybe calling it a scene was a bit much—it seemed like you'd forgotten something and Juyeon had come all the way to bring it to you. Of course that looked like a sweet gesture, but your ex knew how it really was, you were using Juyeon.

"Must be rough," he casually remarked, giving Juyeon a friendly pat on the back.

Juyeon must have been surprised by the sudden touch, because he was quick to take a step back.

"Sorry?" He asked, "What exactly?"

"I saw that," your ex simply said, knowing it would explain what he meant

"And?"

….or not.

"You don't have to pretend with me. I've been there, too. She's making ridiculous demands, no? Asking you to come all the way h—"

"I offered," Juyeon interrupted him, "She didn't have to ask."

"Oh," your ex cleared his throat, "but of course, you're a kind person after all."

"I don't know about that. But she's my girlfriend. I want to support her when she's troubled."

"Yeah," your ex nodded empathetically, "I understand that feeling well. But don't break yourself trying to be a good boyfriend. You don't have to struggle just to be by her side."

“I’m fine,” Juyeon simply said, “I’m not struggling.”

He almost wanted to laugh. Juyeon being able to say that just meant he hadn’t seen yet just how bad you could get.

“That’s because you don’t know better,” your ex insisted, desperate to help the man out, “She’s broken, and she’ll break you too. Trust me, I know, I’ve been there.”

“People aren’t broken,” Juyeon disagreed with a frown and for the first time it seemed like he was starting to get upset, “She isn’t broken.”

“Ah, of course. I think I was clumsy with my words. It’s not that she’s broken,” your ex quickly backpedaled. Juyeon had completely misunderstood him. “It’s just—she’s not very well adapted. You’ll notice, too. Sometimes she shuts down so bad, you can’t even talk to her. She’ll just cry non-stop. It’s draining.”

The frown on Juyeon’s face vanished, making space for the disinterested, blank expression he seemed to wear so often when talking to him. Somehow it felt worse. “Your inability to love her doesn’t mean that no one can. I’ve never once felt drained,” he responded, ignoring everything else your ex had just told him.

“You will.”

"Aren’t you just projecting your own shortcomings on me?”

“Shortco—no, believe me, I did my best to love her despite her being like that. I gave it my all.”

“Hm,” Juyeon looked at him with a small nod, clearly unimpressed, before turning to leave, “Then your all just wasn’t good enough.”

Your ex was a patient person. But he had to come to the conclusion that Juyeon simply didn’t want to be helped. Clearly, he wanted to run headfirst into his doom, and who was your ex to save someone who didn’t want saving? At least he could pat himself on the back and know that he tried his best to help. And maybe, a small petty part of him thought that he could also enjoy the show now and get a little satisfaction once things inevitably start to fall apart.

Maybe that was the reason he came to this party, too. After all it wasn’t his usual crowd, but it was to be expected that Juyeon would show. And surely, he would bring his girlfriend, right? Except, you weren’t good with parties, never have been. He knew that better than anyone, he’d had to make up countless excuses for you after all, why you hadn’t showed up, why you’d left the party early, why you cancelled again. It’d always put him in an odd spot, because what could he have possibly said to his friends that wouldn’t sound as if you simply didn’t like them? The truth? That you’d been stuck at home because you couldn’t do people that day? That you’d had to go home because of a sudden crying fit that’d been completely uncalled for? Of course not.

He took a deep breath. Actually this was very nice. Peaceful even. He could just enjoy this party, and you weren’t any of his responsibility. He could drink as much as he wanted and there was no one there that needed to be taken care of.

Another deep breath.

Somehow it felt bland. Maybe this party wasn’t for him, or maybe it was because he was standing outside, leaning against the house wall for a smoke break without the smoke. But it was stuffy and loud inside and people didn’t seem to care about him anyway. You’d always been such a handful, but now he almost missed the way you’d clung to him on nights like this, as if he’d been the lighthouse keeping you safe. For a moment he was so entranced with the memories, he could almost hear your pathetic sniffing and your wobbly voice pressing out an apology.

But then there was another voice, too.

“What are you sorry for, angel?” Juyeon replied softly from around the corner of the house.

“I-I don’t think I can go back in,” you admitted and your ex felt something like happiness. How lucky to witness this now, to listen in on the moment Juyeon would have to realize how broken you were. Surely, he’d be unable to handle it, unable to handle you. Actually, your ex started to think, he doubted that anyone could. With how bad you were, you’d been lucky to have him taking care of you all that time. Because who else would put up with you for this long?

“It’s okay,” Juyeon said and even though your ex couldn’t hear the annoyance in his voice, he was sure it had to be there, “we don’t have to.”

“No,” you were quick to interrupt, “it’s okay, you can stay. These are your friends after all. I can go home by myself, you just enjoy the night.”

He almost felt something like pride welling up in his chest at your words. Despite all your broken bits and pieces, at the end of the day you were still sweet and selfless. It reminded him why he’d fallen in love with you back then.

“Do you really think I’d let you go home by yourself like this?”

“It’s okay, I’ve done it countless times,” you assured, “nothing ever happened.”

Maybe, he thought to himself, maybe he should take you home once Juyeon had gone back inside. Of course you were right, you’d be fine by yourself, but he hadn’t enjoyed the party so far anyway. He wouldn’t mind leaving early and taking a little detour on his way back.

“Countless times? Why would you—,” Juyeon seemed to be searching for the right words, before he settled on, “But this isn’t nothing. You’re not feeling well, so let me take care of you.”

You sniff, “But I don’t want to ruin the night for you.”

Right, your ex had to resist the urge to huff a laugh, you never wanted to ruin anyone’s night, and yet it always turned out like this. But of course, this was Juyeon’s problem now. If he could handle it anyway.

“You’re not ruining anything, angel,” Juyeon answered and his calm gentle voice was getting irritating to listen to.

“But your friends,” you still continued.

“We can meet them again next time. They’ll understand and they won’t hold a grudge, I promise. So, let’s go home, hm?”

“But—”

“No more buts. Let’s go home and curl up in bed. And if you want to I can read something to you, or we can watch a movie or just cuddle.”

Who would possibly want to spent their night like that?

Another sniff, “Reading sounds good.”

“Good,” there was a smile in Juyeon’s voice. Why? Your ex didn’t get it. And he didn’t have time to ponder about it further because the sounds of steps told him you and Juyeon were about to walk past. He pressed himself into the wall, hoping the darkness swallowed him up well enough so he wouldn’t be spotted. But it seemed he’d worried for nothing, because as you left the property, your hand firmly wrapped up in Juyeon’s bigger one, neither of you turned back around to the house again.

Your ex watched the both of you a little longer, unable to tear his gaze away until you disappeared around the corner at the end of the street.

Your inability to love her doesn’t mean that no one can, it seemed to echo in his mind, your all just wasn’t good enough. Maybe there was a truth to it, maybe it had never been about your shortcomings, but about his.

His eyes were still focused on the empty street. One of the street lights was flickering, almost as if it was resonating with the uncomfortable feeling welling up in his stomach.

Or maybe, Juyeon was just as broken and weird as you.

Yeah, that felt better. He nodded to himself, satisfied. And then he headed back in. He had a party to attend.

masterlist ♡ pls consider reblogging if you enjoyed this ♡

#juyeon x reader #tbz x reader #juyeon fluff #juyeon angst #the boyz x reader #the boyz fanfic #tbz juyeon x reader #the boyz imagines #the boyz scenarios #the boyz oneshot #kpop scenarios #kpop imagines #kebbis.writing #scheduled

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multifandomloverthrowaway · 7 months ago

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Viktor Was a Wasted Character

(But are we really surprised?)

This is my first post ever on Tumblr so please be nice! This is in no way hate towards any particular character or ship; personally I love Viktor as a character and all his ships, and that’s the main reason why I’m posting this. I also know like no LoL lore, so please bear with me. I’m just going to rant and dump my thoughts out here since I don’t really have fans in person to talk to about this, and it’s really bugging me lol!

That being said, I just watched season two, and after sitting with it’s ending, I do not think that the story told in the season is well thought out, and it can be very heavily seen in how characters are treated both in the show and in the fandom. It’s quite disheartening to see the fandom going through the peak-fandom era treatment of mlm and wlw relationships, and the overall treatment of the characters can be a little trashy. How people see Viktor can be very degrading and objectifying, and the whole ship wars and fallout with JayVik is absolutely disgusting. It makes me feel that many watchers did not fully understand Viktor’s character. And to a certain extent, the writers did not care for it either.

Viktor’s character represents what would happen if a Zaunite were able to become “successful” in the eyes of Piltover. Someone who had the intellect and ambition to supersede the conditions in Zaun and were able to compete with those raised in the “better city”. Thus, the questions of “How did they get to their place in Piltover?”, “What flaws do they have?”, “What is holding them back?”, “What is their experience in Piltover like?”, “Are they accepted?”, “Is there prejudice?”, and “What was their life in Zaun like?” are the core questions that make the character and their arc. This character is particularly important because this is the character that shows that those who are oppressed, no matter how “good” they are, will never be good enough in the eyes of the oppressor, especially if they have faults of their own. Viktor is fundamental to the message of season one Arcane. He helps to complete the story in its exploration of class, social, and political divide by personifying that “what if it could work” gap.

Viktor naturally then must be an internally strong character. Giving Viktor a disability is not just good inclusion, but also a good internal motivator. We as the audience then see that his key goal to help Zaun is not rooted in pity for a former home, but rather the cause of an injustice that he was a victim to. We see his steadfastness in going after opportunities that he thinks will benefit Zaun and humanity, and constant relentless means to get there. This is in stark contrast to his personal life. His deeply rooted sentiment that he must be alone because of his disability, along with perceptions of his disability and birthplace, are why he is a closed person only reaching for science, despite being quite empathetic. They also set up his two main conflicts:

1. He is dying with little time to finish his goal of helping Zaun and humanity

and

2. The people around him want to weaponize his creation into something that can be used against his hometown

These conflicts are where the plot fumbled the character. Firstly, we do not see any ties between him and Zaun other than his illness and that he grew up there. Where are his parents that supposedly love him so much? What is his relationship with Sky, which he supposedly cared enough for to bring out of Zaun to work with him and Jayce? His lack of well developed relationships with other characters other than Jayce hurt his character development from occurring naturally. It’s why Sky’s death doesn’t feel like anything. Despite Viktor seeing her in the realm as a metaphor to his shred of humanity left, his garden dedicated to her, her emblem on his robe, we don’t know their relationship or history in his eyes. (It should have been that they were in at least a friendship. Anything less than that would not fit Viktor’s character.) We don’t see him interact that much with Mel, despite her being his close friend’s love interest. We do not see him interact with doctors or his parents. What other real relationship does he have depicted in the show other than, well, Jayce? The only other is perhaps Singed. How do these relationships play into his self perception, and perception of humanity?

Combining his deteriorating friendship with Jayce over politics and with understanding that his work will be used against him without his credit or his voice should set Viktor up for him to make decisions that will naturally lead into his lore as we know it; to create something that allows him to fix himself and others while simultaneously corrupting him, especially in Zaun. Instead in season two we see that path taken away from him within the first Act after he is fused with magic because of Jayce. This is a pity because it makes Viktor reliant on Jayce’s decisions in a way that is outside of their parallel to the power struggle between Zaun and Piltover and thus takes away from his authority as a character - his decision to fuse himself with magic and machinery to go against Piltover needed to be a result of his decisions and actions, not of someone else and magic!

Giving that narrative decision to Jayce also leaves no organic way for Jayce to come to realize who Viktor is as a person outside of just a “partner”. This is especially apparent during the finale, in which Jayce’s love for Viktor is boiled down to “I love you for who you are”… though that undermines Viktor’s illness, why that illness exists and thus his reason to be a character, and by extension… Zaun’s struggle. And yet, Viktor dies accepting Jayce’s words, despite them undermining the reason he exists! Each time Viktor is yet again denied that choice to be what his character represents. Instead he is used as the crutch to Jayce until the end of the second season. This is also why the multidimensional time travel does not work with Viktor being the mage that gives Jayce magic; Viktor’s destiny is then settled firmly in Jayce’s hands and not his own. They are not soulmates; only one’s life depends on the other’s.

Viktor then, despite having some good foundation, never becomes the full representation that his character could be. We see no growth of his insecurities and setbacks that allow him to make the choice to become who is meant to be. Rather we see that narrative handed to another character who does not fulfill his character arc fully either.

It is no surprise to see the JayVik shippers in this case. Because Viktor is so dependent on Jayce in the narrative, there is no other natural relationship for him. This is despite the fact that Viktor’s sax orientation shouldn’t be of speculation, because in the case of the story, it doesn’t matter. Whether or not Viktor is able to have physical attraction to another person is not the core of his story nor his character. (Which is why his ace designation should not be controversial.) However, that his ability to make meaningful connections with the people in his lives, whether as friends or romantically, is. And we do not see that with any other person but Jayce, who cannot not see him as a full person due to the narrative. Viktor, at his essence, is a man whose agency has been taken from him by the narrative.

The better case in the narrative would have been to let the two part their separate ways after the death of Sky and the council attack, and let Viktor be the tragic hero he was made for. The love between each character that was to have a relationship with Viktor would have been that much more apparent, especially with Sky and Jayce. Then perhaps we would not see Viktor become the “disabled tw!nk whose real relationship could have only been with Jayce because only they truly knew and loved each other” because no. Only they didn’t. Viktor always had so much more, which included Jayce, Mel, Sky, and could have been far more! He just wasn’t given the means to explore it. And not by just the characters in Arcane. By the writers too.

#arcane critical

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stoobfoobnoob · 3 months ago

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Interlinked.

Dean Winchester X Reader

angst, one-sided (ish), no use of Y/N, unedited

1.1k words

Dean Winchester wants a lot of things.

He wants an extra greasy bacon cheeseburger after a rough night, a warm homemade cherry pie, a credit card that wouldn’t freeze or decline right after he swiped it from some guy on the street, and maybe even a spa day where the knots could be massaged out of his overworked muscles.

Dean wants a day, or hell, even a year, where he and his brother could just catch a break—a moment to themselves in the sun with a nice cold beer without a care in the world. He wants to live in a world where all the evils in his life, all the creatures that go bump in the night, were just fairy tales and myths.

Dean knows that what he wants isn’t realistic.

He wishes he had grown up in a house with two parents who loved him. He wishes he had become a firefighter and saved people that way, unlike a soldier who constantly has to leave any normality behind. He desperately dreams of a life where he has a wife and a few kids and maybe a dog named Marley, but he wakes up from that dream every morning.

Out of everything Dean wants in this world, the one thing he knows he can’t have is you.

He wants to drink up your laugh like the elixir of life whenever you find him funny. He wants to hold your hand whenever the two of you are sitting too close at a bar. He wants to be near you all the time. In ways he never even thought of, that transcends physical touch. He wants to know the inner workings of your mind, the hum of your soul when you eat a good meal after weeks of mediocre diner food, which he knows you get sick of. To understand the smile the creeps up on your face when you get to drive the Impala or the curve of your eyebrows when you concentrate on research.

Dean needs you. He needs your empathetic words when he fucks up. He needs the sweet sound of your voice when you sing in the shower or in the car. He needs the satisfaction of seeing yet another guy get rejected by you.

He needs to wake up.

Why would anyone like you want to be with someone like him? How could an intelligent, confident, and compassionate person like you want to be with a broken shell of a man?

---

One day, after a particularly grueling and gory hunt, Dean found himself watching you as you slam yet another shot glass onto the sticky wooden bar. The light hits your features just enough, and he holds himself back from reaching out and running a finger down the slope of your nose.

Your gaze finally reached his, and the two of you sat there amidst the chaos of yelling and muffled conversations from the other patrons. Your eyes squinted in admiration as you stared at each other.

"What?" Dean's heart was beating faster than he would like to admit. Laughing to ease the growing tensions.

"Your eyes are the perfect shade of spring. You know, like when all the mountains get their color back." You hiccup.

From the years Dean has known you, he doesn't recall a nice thing coming out of your mouth that wasn't prompted by sarcasm or false niceties when you go undercover for a case.

The only memory that comes to mind is when the two of you pretended to be a married couple going to a marriage counselor who turned out to be a man-hating witch adding yet another reason why Dean hates witches.

"What made you fall in love with each other?" The witch asked.

"Oh, you know," You said coyly, avoiding eye contact with the witch.

"I love the way he holds me after a long day from work, makes me laugh, and protects me." You said.

Something like that. Dean buried that memory deep inside his mind in hopes of not hurting himself.

---

"You're drunk." Dean chuckles.

You shake your head,

"I'm serious. You have very pretty eyes, Dean."

He feels like you're being possessed by a demon that has had its eyes on Dean's back since he came back from Hell. To torment him from beyond the pits. To rip him a new one that hurts far more than any wound inflicted on him down there.

"Come on, let's get you to bed." He gets out of his seat to lead you to the car, your index finger locking with his, and Dean swears that his stomach drops to his feet.

It's a small gesture. The smallest, most microscopic gesture in the world. Your fingers interlinked. Pushing past the sea of belligerent drunks in the dimly lit bar, and god knows what on the floor, making his boots crunch and stick to the linoleum.

You giggle. You're giggling as he pulls you closer to the exit. You probably won't remember this in the morning. Dean on the other hand will try to forget, shove it down so far down his memory bank to the point he'll probably imagine it over and over again against his will.

God! What is this? I'm not a 16-year-old boy. Why am I acting like this? He thinks to himself.

The fresh breeze hits your rosy, intoxicated cheeks and Dean's flushing giddiness. You lean on the hood of the car as Dean fiddles with his keys.

"Dean?" Your head dropping and eyes drooping with fatigue.

"Yeah?" He looks up to see you hugging yourself from the wind.

He's standing in front of you, now. Contemplating whether he should manhandle you into the car or indulge in whatever drunken nonsense that might hurt him.

Your perfectly scarred and calloused hands reach out for his, and he eagerly lets you pull him closer to you. Now standing between your legs, he stares at you yet again. Only this time he's confused. He's seen this move in the movies and he's done this countless of times. Dean knows what's about to happen here and he's fully aware that he shouldn't let it happen.

"I- I just wanna tell you-"

What came out of your mouth wasn't what Dean expected.

"I'm proud of you. So so proud of you," you were slurring your words.

"Okay, sweetheart! It's time to go." He backs away.

Pulling him back into your grasp you wrap your arms around his waist and just sit there for a minute. Dean stares into the stars wondering if he should cut this short or relish in your out of character affection.

"I love you." He whispers under his breath.

"I know." You whisper back.

Dean smiles and lets the moment linger for a few more seconds before peeling himself away from your warm embrace and wakes up from his silly little fantasy.

No matter what Dean wants. He can't. He just can't be selfish enough to have you like this. The low hum of the impala and the open road bring him back to reality. There are no happy endings for him.

#dean winchester x reader #dean winchester #supernatural #supernatural fanfiction

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shitapril · 8 months ago

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okay so you know that little video daniel made for max congratulating him on his 4th world championship ? that got me very much in my maxiel feels so here's a little piece (drabble ? no idea) that i wrote about it. this is my first time writing anything rpf so please be nice (i'll delete this in like a day lol)

also vid i'm referring to : https://www.instagram.com/reel/DDABqM6sNfW/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

Max didn’t particularly understand why the team thought this was a good idea. Apparently winning a fourth world championship warranted a round up of all the people that had the fortune, or perhaps misfortune, of being his teammate, as well as the people vying for a spot next to him in the future. Whatever, if the team wants to take time to make videos for the internet without pestering him for his involvement, Max can make the effort to watch them.

It felt a little cruel, to ask for well-wishes and congratulations from the people who once had just as much a chance as he had at this victory that was now his alone. Not once, not twice, but four times in a row. Okay, so maybe they didn’t have that much of an equal chance, not with the team’s blatant coveting of his imminent glory in the sport, but Max didn’t waste time with notions of guilt or sympathy. The nature of their sport didn’t allow for such frivolities.

Daniel was a stark reminder of the team’s partisanship. Because Daniel was suddenly there, and he’s calling him a bad man, and he’s just saying things that don’t mean very many things, and then suddenly he’s being painfully sincere, and Max isn’t so sure he can handle it. That was just Daniel all over again – so genuine, so empathetic, so happy.

He has a wide, blinding smile on his face, and it seemed to reach his eyes again. His skin was flushed a healthy pink, as if he’d been in the sun again. His accent sounded a lot stronger than the last time he spoke with him and suddenly Max missed him so much. Sure, there was the odd text here and there, but it hadn’t really been Daniel and Max for a while now.

He thanks the team, short and a little absentmindedly, but makes sure his gratitude is conveyed. Somehow, the team always seemed aware of his affection for Daniel, sometimes to his own detriment.

He thought of those nights, when he would stay up with Daniel after another team debrief, and they’d dream about winning world championships. Daniel would offer him one of those honey toffees he always carried around, and max would refuse because they were so sweet and really how could Daniel stomach all that sweetness and Daniel would just shrug and grin and continue to regal him with his on-track antics. And Max would listen, as if he hadn’t watched that very moment on repeat on his little, battered iPod a hundred times. Daniel seemed so sure then, and Max truly believed he would do all those things he confessed to Max he wanted to do. Surely he would win a World Championship, he’d win two, maybe three, hell how many ever he wanted. Max had only hoped he’d be there next to him, to share his victories with him. And perhaps his losses too, maybe even a life together. Max had really, really hoped.

But now he sits in his driver room, left alone to prepare for another race, one that almost seems futile because he’s already won the championship. Not once, not twice, not even thrice, but four times, and Daniel hadn’t won, no, not even once. Daniel wasn’t even here anymore.

#f1 #formula 1 #formula one #max verstappen #daniel ricciardo #maxiel #fanfic #rpf #sports rpf #motorsports rpf #f1 rpf #f1 rpf fic #maxiel fic #writing #qatar gp 2024 #las vegas gp 2024 #f1 fanfic

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imthepunchlord · 11 months ago

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So with my thought on different yin-yang pairs that would cycle between 6/7 Miraculous, I also wanted to cover the different pairs for Felix and Marinette as I do think they are a pair that can easily use both Ladybug and Cat.

So I wanted to see if that could extend to my idea on other pairs, particularly Fox/Peafowl and Bee/Butterfly.

Which, for this, there are tweaked themes for these pairs.

Fox and Peafowl echo themes of Deception and Truth/Vision.

Bee and Butterfly echo themes of Order/Notion and Chaos/Emotion.

Bonus, Turtle/Serpent.

As this got long, going to exclusively focus on Bee and Butterfly.

With Lady Wifi introducing the concept of Head vs Heart, this is something I kind of applied to Bee and Butterfly. Emotions are chaotic and unpredictable, which can work off the butterfly effect quite nicely, while bees can reflect the Head, which relates to reason and logic, playing off the values of functionality, which has no room for being emotional and illogical.

With this in mind, it may be that this is the more limiting pair for these two.

Marinette works off both the Head and Heart. She works off what is logical, reasonable, and efficient. But Marinette is also very tied to her heart, she's emotional, she's empathetic, and it leads to her being very chaotic.

By how she is, I can believe Marinette can pull off both of them very well, but I do think there's more merit in her having Butterfly over Bee.

By how Marinette is, she naturally clicks with Bee. She is hard working, she is able to work with others and is also able to step up as a leader if required, but it's not a position she aims for or must have. She just fills that role if no one else does. Marinette naturally is a nurturer and is kind and compassionate, and reflects that mindset of others before myself. She is quick witted and usually approaches problems logically and based around what she observes (only exception is with her crush which logic goes out the window).

Marinette would click with Bee quite naturally, but by how Marinette is, there's not a lot Bee or Pollen could offer her growth wise. Only thing I can think of is Bee would help with emotional control and her self-confidence, but I do see similar issues Marinette has with Tikki popping up, as Pollen should push for work hard, be a team player, others before yourself, address disorder, ect..

Butterfly in contrast I find can match with her, but also offer better growth.

Given that Marinette is empathetic, able to work with others, can step up as a leader as required but able to step down, and canonly does grant powers to other, her with Butterfly is a pretty natural fit. It also works off Marinette's interest in meddling/giving others a boost, and having their best interest in mind.

Growth wise, Butterfly would also help with self-confidence and learning emotional control, but it would also come with learning to step back. Part of this power, in granting abilities to others, is giving others a chance to fix problems themselves. Usually it's Marinette stepping up to fix problems for others, which is fine as sometimes that's needed; but there are times people need to fix their own problem themselves. And that is something Marinette struggles with. She has to get involved, she has to fix the issue. And it just can't be like that all the time. It's not good for her, nor is it good for others to have someone come in and save the day for them.

So by power, it's a nice set up for her to learn to step back, she can still help and give what's needed, but needs to leave it to others to fix and address themselves.

Nooroo I also see being a good kwami to work off Marinette, being gentle and patient, and very empathetic himself. Given that he seems to pay close attention to his humans, given that Marinette already prioritizes others over himself, he'd probably prioritize her emotional needs. I also see him being a nice calm counter to her high energy, but able to roll with the chaos.

For Felix, Butterfly I do see being a struggle.

Felix I do see being a low empathy character, not able to really connect with others the same way, and often him caring largely extends to those who matter to him. He does know how to act and influence people, but this being a Miraculous that required emotionally connecting with others, is not really something he always clicked with.

A lot of concept art has him alone or outside the group.

And this Miraculous does require a social butterfly.

Which Felix is not.

Nor is he known to be someone inspiring and willing to uplift others, he's a more "everyone for themselves" sort.

Butterfly could be handy in helping him learn to connect with others, develop empathy more, and actively help others, but I do see it being a struggle and not something that would come too easily.

Bee though is a better stand out between these two Miraculous for him. He can match it in being dedicated to his goals, hardworking, and going about things smartly and efficiently. It also wouldn't discourage him from lashing out when justified to.

Bee would cover his need to learn to work with others, even more so than Ladybug as that's a bigger priority for bees. It will also lead to opening up to being more of a nurturer/provider, to have more compassion to offer others. Bee would be about finding his purpose, which can be him stepping up to the role of hero and helping those in need in comparison to Felix trying to spend his time living his life minding his own business.

With an adjusted Pollen to work with this, I see Felix having a similar dynamic to her like he could have with Tikki, but one that can be a little more harmonious with Pollen being more open minded/tolerable of how Felix is, as it's apart of who he is and will play into his role in the "hive". She does want him to engage and open his heart more, for a fully solitary bee shall not go far, but she can get it. She is also a 100% with him in "stinging" frustrating sources of disorder (like Chloe).

#miraculous ladybug #kwami swap #felix agreste #felix pv #felix graham de vanily #felix fathom #marinette dupain cheng #butterfly!felix #bee!felix #butterfly!marinette #bee!marinette #moth!felix #moth!marinette

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bonzos-number-1-fan · 3 months ago

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TMAGP 37 Thoughts: Roommates

We're back with another Tale From The Primeline tm, and another big chunk of exposition. It's a lot of fan service and fairly blatant conversation. None of which is a bad thing, but you know me. So don't hold your breath waiting on me to say anything interesting on this one. Although up top this is the first TMAGP ep reusing a TMA ep title. TMA's Scrutiny was all about the invasiveness of non-consensual statement taking, while this one is sorta about the opposite. So that's a fun bit of metatext if it's intentional. It wouldn't be Magnus without reused names so it could very well not be.

Spoilers for TMA , and TMAGP episode 37 below the cut.

If I had a nickel for every time the main character of a Magnus series moved in with Georgie Barker, I'd have two nickels— which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice.

I think the statement of this one was very solidly written but I didn't particularly care for it. I understand what it was going for and think it was doing a good job at that but it didn't do much for me. Lucky for me, and for you, I also don't think there is much to actually unpack. We both listened to the same thing so you don't need me restating it, and while it's nice to see an example of people that have been Stockholmed by the Change there isn't a lot to say on it IMO. So we can move along to something I do think is a little more interesting, [Error]'s deeper characterisation. [Error] has thus far been very direct and has had little room for other people doing much of anything that isn't doing what they want. Standard scary monster business really. However, with Ashe she was taken aback and almost empathetic. It's nothing earth shattering or anything but for a character that largely consists of question marks having there be something deeper to them is appreciated. It's hard to know if they'll ever really become a character with motives and goals or if it's all just feeding instincts but it is nice to see all the same.

Additionally, the way [Error] moves seems to be better realised now. Prior to this episode they just sorta emerged but now there is some proper description for it that book ends this statement.

It is dank, derelict and ruined. The Archivist flows through like mustard gas, exploring and formless... The Archivist suddenly coagulates, coalescing into a specter we recognize. Eventually the Archivist slowly dissolves back into the wind and moves on...

A lot of the following conversations don't give much to talk about. I think it's all about what you'd expect from a post-Change society and is all stated as so matter-of-fact that there is little to truly speculate on. Melanie seems to be in a much better place, as you might expect, and thinks of John as a friend. Sam is caught up on all the big stuff in the primeline that'll likely be of use when he gets back to TMAGP's universe. All the information about John isn't likely to be of great merit vis-à-vis Chester as most of, if not all, the tapes that have a sample of his voice are all gone. What is likely to be of use is the information about the Fears. We know from the Q&A that TMA's metaphysics and TMAGP's are compatible so there could be some insight gleaned from there. However there is a more pressing matter that Celia has talked about all this Fear stuff more than once. Eventually all of that is going to have to come out, although I think it's kinda weird it hasn't already. What with all of Sam and Melanie's conversations about their respective dimensions eventually he's going to have to mention the person who the portal actually wanted, who knows more than maybe they should, etc. etc.

SAM and MELANIE are preparing food. SAM is peeling potatoes badly whilst Melanie does all the real cooking.

The man can't ever catch a break.

No Admiral: 0/10

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Incident/CAT#R#DPHW Master Sheet and Terminology Sheet

DPHW Theory: N/A

CAT# Theory: See episode 34's post for thoughts on this.

R# Theory: N/A

Header talk: See episode 34's post for thoughts on this.

#the magnus protocol #tmagp #tmagp theory #tmagp speculation #the magnus archives #klaus = kl4-u5

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fanaticalthings · 1 year ago

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Hey, boss! Quick thought: Jason and Cass are basically Irish twins and Jason is totally that little brother who acts like her older brother/dad and she only lets him do it because its endearing.

Like he consistently shows up at all of her ballet recitals with a bouquet of flowers.

And he takes her out for ice cream when she comes back from a particularly long mission and he knows that the batgirls are unavailable.

And he can tell when she's feeling down about something so he takes her out on his motorbike for wordless drives.

But she's also not afraid of calling little brother just to remind him every now and then.

And he's learnt not to invite her to play video games, unless she's feeling particularly out of touch/having worries about her self-worth, because she will destroy him every time. He doesn't even need to pretend (not that he ever would obviously)

Ahhh I actually really love the idea of Cass and Jason being really close (although it probably wouldn't work out if you still hc Jason as a crimelord/killer) but just the thought that they both understand each other in ways that the others might not is a really nice thought I think.

I also LOVE to hc Cass as the older one, especially since Jason seems like he'd be the older one considering he looks like a fucking 6'4" linebacker that could take you out with one slap

Also also, just based on their canon interpretations as of right now, I actually would LOVE to see an exploration of their characters when put together.

Cass was raised and abused by her father to be a ruthless killing machine since birth, and yet she still turned out to be an incredibly empathetic person who believes anyone can change for the better.

Jason, when he was young also had a rough childhood (grew up in the slums of Gotham, had a father with a criminal background and a mother who succumbed to drug abuse) he'd basically witnessed the worst of Gotham and still believed in the good of people when he was Robin.

In the current comics, Jason heavily wants to turn his lifestyle around, going non-lethal and trying to get away from the more questionable actions of his past. I think it would be super interesting to have Cass empathize with wanting to escape the dark parts of yourself with Jason and also have Jason see his younger self in Cass with how she vehemently strives to save everyone like how he did long ago.

I would so be down for a lil duo run of these two. Maybe have them relate to each other with the roughness of their childhoods or have them explore/share the struggles of trying to better yourself when it feels like everything is against you.

#cass trying to seperate herself from the weapon she was forced to become #and jason constantly trying to better himself for gotham #my rambling is a really watered down version of these two but geniunely i would actually love to see these two interact more #sorry anon this became more of an excited rant than a response 😭#i just feel like characters like steph cass and jason can relate to each other in ways that the others in the fam cant #ik some ppl say that cass wouldve HATED crimelord!jason/utrh!jason but literally her whole thing is wanting to save ppl #she wouldve been against his ideals and morals but at her core she wouldve tried to help him #but also in general dc give more cass content #fanatical asks #fanatical posting #dc comics #jason todd #cassandra cain #batfam #batfamily

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the-red-drow · 2 months ago

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Tag Game!

Thanks for the tag, @ranger-jahen! Tagging @eoe-1379 and @becfromthedead, if they want~

→ BASICS

Name: Deet Silvermoon Class/Subclass: Rogue/Warlock Background: Sage Gender: cis man Sexuality: bisexual Pronouns: he/him

→ OTHER

Family: A mix of people and influences over the course of his life.

Ereminda Silvermoon: A middle-aged halfling woman and his adoptive mother. They met in Elturel, when he was seventeen and sleeping on the streets. She discovered him asleep in her wood shed; Ereminda looked out for him for a year as he came and went, keeping odd jobs and picking pockets to get by. One day, he was arrested (a job he was hired for went bad and he got pinched). Tossed in prison and staring down a life sentence, it looked like that was it for Deet, but Ereminda pulled together a group of people to orchestrate a breakout. When he was safe, they moved to Baldur's Gate. Kalandorl Oblodra: Deet's biological father and a ruthless bounty hunter. He was exiled from his house in Menzoberranzan before it fell; he has only a few surviving relatives and he doesn't miss any of the rest. Deet traveled with him from age six to sixteen. From him, Deet learned how to fight, how to pick locks, and how to survive on the road and in the wilderness. He struggles to recall any fond memories of Kalandorl, who rarely spoke to him outside of giving orders or combat training. Kalandorl has told Deet nothing of who he was, or the family he left behind. Robin Farefellow: Deet's other biological father; a sweet and laid back guy. He was a young bard and an adventurer when Deet was conceived, but he knows nothing of his son. He's since settled down with his wife and five daughters. Hlarzith Oblodra: Deet's uncle and Kalandorl's twin brother. Often in and out of Deet's life, as he is not exactly close with his brother, but they are working on their relationship since escaping their lives in Menzoberrazan. He can be a dour man of few words, but he is gentler than Kalandorl and shared Deet's love of animals. Deet does have a few soft memories of him (as Hlarzith does of him). Deet takes after him quite a bit. Halycine the Archdruid: She assisted Kalandorl during Deet's birth and cared for Deet until he was six years old, along with all the other druids in the circle. Deet has a few but very fuzzy memories of her, but still prays to Mielikki as she did.

Birthplace: Storm Top Henge, a druid Circle in the Storm Horns Job: Thief (recently retired), specializing in particularly dangerous or tightly locked-down (and often magical) items Phobias: None Guilty Pleasures: Sweets, sleeping late/napping all afternoon Hobbies: Reading, particularly about magic; he actually does enjoy picking locks; he's not bad with a lute and does enjoy playing for himself (he also has a nice voice, but singing in front of others is mortifying for him--he doesn't like the attention)

→ MORALS

Alignment: Neutral Good Sins: Sloth... and he's painfully conflict-avoidant Virtues: Gentle by nature and very accepting of others

More below...

→ THIS OR THAT

Introverted/Ambivert/Extrovert

Organized/Disorganized/Depends on who you ask (he thinks he is)

Close-minded/Open-minded

Calm/Anxious/Restless

Disagreeable/In-Between/Agreeable

Patient/In-Between/Impatient (patient with people, at least)

Outspoken/In-Between/Reserved

Leader/Follower/Flexible

Empathetic/In-between/Apathetic

Optimist/Realist/Pessimist

Traditional/In-Between/Modern

Hard-working/Laaaaazyy (but it depends on who you ask, lol)

→ RELATIONSHIPS

OTP: Deet x Astarion Acceptable ships: Any (this guy could have chemistry with a rock; I played him in another game once and he and a sentient cloud fell in love, so...) OT34: Deet x Astarion x Shadowheart x Halsin BroTP: Deet x Gale NOTP: None, really (I mean, the Emperor and Raphael don't deserve him, but whatever. I wouldn't even care if a person paired Deet with Lump. I'd just be curious how we got there, lmao... and maybe where it was posted👀)

#deet posting #bg3 #bg3 tav #baldur's gate 3 #tag game

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kaedekolya · 1 year ago

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alkaid: of sincerity, soulmates, and selfless sacrifice

˗ˏˋ ☆ ˎˊ Happy birthday, Alkaid! \(´▽`)/ ˏˋ ☆ ˎˊ-

In honour of this special day, I’ve prepared a present – a short meta post answering the question posed in the LBC discord server, “What made you fall for Alkaid?”

This screenshot pretty much sums it up (mild Godheim spoilers):

Alkaid loves deeply, and this manifests in his unwavering devotion and earnest sincerity. He is a steadfast protector who loves and feels and hurts with every fibre of his being, yet he conceals this intensity with a genial demeanour.

What are Alkaid’s core motivations and character traits? What lies beneath the facade of this heartrendingly complex character? For all that Alkaid is an enigma, he also inadvertently wears his heart on his sleeve, if you know where to look.

[ SPOILERS: broad references to Alkaid’s stories from Godheim, White Day, and Book of Tales. ]

Upon MC’s first encounter with Alkaid in the modern world, my first impression of him was a decently good one, but not particularly impressive or memorable. He’s the generic nice guy, the affable upperclassman who welcomes you to school and helps you settle in comfortably.

Later, we come to realise that this is exactly what he wants others to think. Alkaid intentionally projects the image of an unassuming gentleman, concealing his true emotions underneath an amiable disposition and a pleasant smile. Wearing this persona as his shield, he strives to be likeable, while also fading into the background, unobtrusive and unremarkable. The less attention drawn to himself, the better; there will be fewer chances to slip up, fewer risks of making a mistake. As long as he keeps up appearances, he can play the role of the perfect prince.

Alkaid does not do this to be deliberately duplicitous; in fact, it is much the contrary. His innate kindness and self-effacing consideration for others spur him to accommodate as much as he can, often to the point of self-sacrifice. He hides his true self, in order to please others. He relinquishes what he has, in order to give others what they want. Alkaid puts himself secondary to what others ask of him, not because he thinks of himself as worthless, but because he believes he is worth less.

In the Book of Tales event, Alkaid’s story draws from Oscar Wilde’s The Nightingale and the Rose. It is a tale of a nightingale who sacrifices her blood and her life, in order to create a red rose for the human she loves. In the same way, Alkaid readily pierces himself with thorns so that he can give MC the red rose she needs. Despite the excruciating pain, he does not flinch in the slightest, but he immediately reacts in a panic when MC is hurt by the thorny vines. Alkaid cares for others more than he does himself, yet he does not realise that by valuing himself less and taking all the hurt upon himself, he is inadvertently hurting those who care for him.

In Godheim, Alkaid’s love is also shown through selfless sacrifice. He willingly forsakes himself without a second thought, simply because he loves someone that deeply and thinks that little of himself in comparison. He would rather inflict wounds on himself than risk taking advantage of the person he loves, and he always strives to be kind no matter the cruelty dealt to him. His desire stems from love, and his power coalesces from his wish to protect those who matter to him.

In an effort to keep MC safe, Alkaid pushes himself to the brink, exhausting all his magic and life energy to the point that he nearly dies. One particular route branch has him shouldering the blame on MC's behalf, taking her punishment upon himself so that she doesn't have to. At the end of it all, he even writes a biography to honour Clarence's sacrifice, despite everything the Archmage has done to him. Alkaid is so empathetic that he can see past his sister's death and recognise that MC is an unwilling player in this whole situation, that she doesn't deserve anyone's ire.

Alkaid's heart runs so deep and so kind, yet he never recognises his own goodness, instead fearing the potential for evil within him. Throughout his Godheim route, he refrains from ending anyone's life, even that of his enemies, yet he is willing to commit evil with his own hands if it means he can protect his beloved MC. It is this irony, this multifacetedness to Alkaid that makes him such an intriguing character �� even as it makes him fear himself for what he is capable of.

In modern-day Alkaid, this contradiction is reflected in his self-perception. Borrowing the metaphor of the Rose Elf and the Gentleman Agent, Alkaid believes he cannot possibly be the former because he is nowhere near as honest or upright. Instead, he identifies with the latter, because he hides so much of himself in the shadows.

What Alkaid fails to realise, however, is that these characters are not one-dimensional tropes, and neither is he. The Gentleman Agent is shrouded in veils and deceit, but he is also a protector. The Rose Elf is fragile and delicate, but he is also so ardent in his love and commitment. Alkaid is all of these things, because they can coexist without being contradictory. I won’t go into detail about Awakening, since it’s still a relatively new release and the story is best experienced for yourself, but his route there also ties in with this theme.

Alkaid’s worst fears stem from the dual nature he perceives in himself, the capacity for evil that he believes lurks dormant in his heart. He views good and evil as a binary, believing that they exist as a dichotomy within him, and this is exemplified by the black and white imagery he's often depicted with. Referring to his negative emotions and thoughts as his “other side,” Alkaid separates his good, ideal self from the side he believes he must suppress.

Ironically, this demarcation between the parts of him that are acceptable and the parts that are not inevitably exacerbates Alkaid’s fears. The more people like his outward persona, the more he worries that they will scorn his true nature. He believes that other people like him for what he seems to be, but that they will not like him for who he actually is. He is deceitful, dangerous, disappointing, do they not see that? Do they not realise that the true him is not worthy of such praise or adoration?

The answer is no, because Alkaid is far harsher on himself than he deserves. He is human, and he is allowed to be multifaceted, to have different sides to him, to feel emotions that are positive and negative and the full gamut that runs in between. He is not a dichotomous binary, but a complex being that exists beyond good and evil.

This is where MC comes in. She sees Alkaid for who he is – all the sides he does not show others, and all the selves in disparate worlds across space and time. Beyond the idea of soulmates, her connection with him is that of 知己 (zhī jǐ) – to know someone as you know yourself – in how deeply and thoroughly she understands him. She perceives him, down to the depths of his soul, and she says: I love you, still. Not despite his flaws, or regardless of his shortcomings. Rather, it is an acceptance, encompassing every fibre of his being. I love you for everything you are.

There’s a line from Tian Guan Ci Fu (天官赐福; Heaven Official’s Blessings) that resonates with this idea: 对我来说，风光无限的是你，跌落尘埃的也是你。重点是'你'，而不是'怎样'的你。”To me, the one basking in infinite glory is you, and the one fallen from grace is also you. What matters is ‘you,’ not the state of you.” Alkaid strives to only show his best sides to others, but MC embraces all his worst sides just as readily. He is terrified that she will leave when she realises he’s not like the person she initially thought she loved, but she stays because she sees all of him and cherishes him through it all. She loves him, because he loves so deeply, and he deserves to be loved in return.

So, happy birthday, Alkaid – you are worthy of the love you receive.

#sol's meta analyses #lovebrush chronicles meta #lovebrush chronicles #for all time #lbc #lbc spoilers #alkaid mcgrath #lovebrush alkaid #godheim alkaid #eden alkaid #modern alkaid

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starlight-archer · 8 months ago

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Hello dear author, I have dbda fic request for you: Cryland – Crystal is having some unpleasant period pain and sweet Charles tries to make it better for her by taking his "chorb" form. So in the end, Crystal has this orb full of warm soothing energy on her stomach and it really helps.

I hope this summary is understandable 😅

Have a nice day 🤗

Omg I LOVE this idea so much! It's so sweet and wholesome and I hope what I wrote for it fits what you had in mind!

Something was off about Crystal.

She hadn't had much energy, had been staying in her room more for the last two days and had been trying to hide the fact that she was obviously in some kind of pain (likely as an attempt to just "power through it"). What was particularly worrying was that she hadn't been as eager to get out into the field with Charles and Edwin in cases as she usually was.

Generally, Crystal liked to use her powers, she liked to be a part of their hands-on detective work, get down to the nitty-gritty of it all. She was a woman of action and had an empathetic way with their female clients that demanded respect for her capabilities. That was all still true of course, but after dating for a good few months, Charles could tell when something was wrong.

He cracked at the end of the next day, and asked Niko about it.

Ever since they had managed to get her back from the alternate plane that she had been stuck on with the Dandelion Sprites, her and Crystal had been spending a lot of time together (when Niko wasn't continuing with Edwin's pop culture education).

"So what did you want to talk about?" Niko asked, already having a feeling that she knew.

"Well, I was hoping you might know what's going on with Crystal." Charles explained, hoping that he would finally be getting some answers.

"Oh." a contemplative look crossed Niko's face before she seemed to come to a decision. "You're her boyfriend, so I'm sure it's fine if I tell you, but don't be weird about it okay?" she gave him a serious look and he nodded eagerly. What could it be that he could possibly 'be weird' about? "... She's got some bad cramps and her hot water bottle hasn't been working." Niko squinted at him, as if daring him to say something wrong.

"Why would I be weird about- Oooh. Yeah. Okay, I think I get it." It took him a second to realise that Niko was telling him that Crystal was on her period. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Hmm. I'm not really sure, but usually just her favourite snacks? You should ask her what she needs. But don't be weird about it." she offered, tone becoming stern in the last sentence as she shook her finger at him. Then, she smiled and stood back.

"Right. Won't be weird about it. Promise." he nodded with determined agreement. "so, a box of Ferrero Rocher, hot chocolate with the little marshmallows from that café she likes and a jumbo pack of jelly babies. No green or yellow ones. It'll be aces." Charles listed, as he rummaged in his backpack, looking for his disguise, so that he could use it to go to the store.

Triumphantly, he pulled the glasses from his bag with a grin. "Got 'em!"

"You're a good guy, Charles." Niko said, with a gentle smile.

The grin on his face softened into something vulnerable. Hearing that she thought he was good meant more to him than Niko would ever know.

It was around two and a half hours later when he went by to Crystal's apartment. It was one of the other rooms in the same building as the agency. They all had one for themselves, a designated space that they could call their own (even if he, Edwin and Niko didn't really need to sleep, it was nice to have somewhere private to go when needed).

He knocked lightly on the door and then waited for a moment before phasing through the door (he had put the supplies in his backpack).

"Crystal?" he called out, making his way further into the apartment.

As he crossed into the bedroom, he could hear the shower running, so he put his backpack down and pulled out the flask full of hot chocolate. There was about a litre of it and yes, it did have cream and marshmallows. He had gotten the café to fill it up and just paid for four large hot chocolates (the lady behind the counter hadn't even given him an odd look like he'd exoected, she just looked at the flask and said "say no more" and filled it to the brim).

It wasn't long before Crystal was done and came out in her pyjamas and dressing gown, wearing a pair of fluffy slippers.

"Charles!" she said in surprise. "What are you doing here?"

"You're not feeling well, so I brought you hot chocolate from the café and some snacks." he said as he pulled the shopping bag out of his backpack and gave her a smile.

Immediately, she looked much happier and she shuffled over to peek inside the bag. "Charles, you got the bag that's just the red and purple ones!" she grinned.

"Is there anything else I can do to help you feel better?" he asked, with a sincerity that made her heart melt.

"Stay the night?" she asked.

It was a no-brainier.

In the end, they snuggled up on her bed next to each other, under several layers of fluffy blankets, Charles having wrapped his arms around her and she leaned against his chest.

"Ugh, these cramps just won't let up. I hate this." Crystal lamented. She was in so much pain. She had tried her hot water bottle and several heated plushies, but they were all just the wrong shape or uncomfortable to hold in place over her stomach.

"I might have an idea." Charles said.

Crystal leaned away and looked at him curiously. At this point, she was ready to try almost anything. He unwrapped his arms as he sat back and closed his eyes, focusing for a moment.

Then, in a short moment, there was a collapsing of light and colour, and then there was a little floating orb where Charles had been sitting.

"What the fuck?" Crystal whispered, eyes wide with surprise and fascination.

The orb ('haha Chorb', she thought to herself) glowed softly and hovered closer, floating into her space. Hesitantly, she reached out and touched it, feeling a delicate, sparkling warmth emitting from it.

"Charles..." she spoke softly, and she pulled him to herself, allowing him to settle in place of the hot water bottle that had been in her lap. "Thank you."

The warmth from Charles' orb form spread through her in a way that was almost profoundly comforting. It was like a snuggly hug and she could almost cry from the relief. It wasn't just the warmth either, there was some sort of energy that it was producing that was doing the most good. She supposed that it was basically a ball of Charles' pure, magical ghostly spirit essence, so it made sense that it comforted her so well. She leaned over and placed a soft kiss to the top of the orb, smiling as it shimmered in response.

Carefully, she lay down and switched off the light (it used a little dimmer switch that was fixed to the wall next to her bed). Charles was like a little night light in her arms, like she'd been able to pluck a star from the sky and had been allowed to keep it.

In that moment, and honestly from the moment she'd come into her room and found him waiting for her with a litre of hot chocolate and her favourite treats, she felt so incredibly lucky to have Charles with her.

Before he and Edwin had come into her life (and later Niko as well), she had been so lost and angry and alone, but now she had everything. She had a family, and a purpose and she was learning new things about herself every day. They showed her that she was worth it, and that the right people would love her how she deserved, and goodness, she loved them back. They were her everything, her real family.

"I love you." she whispered it, barely audible even in the silence of the room.

Charles glowed a little brighter.

#Cryland #dead boy detectives #save dead boy detectives #Dbda #Fic requests #charles rowland #crystal palace #niko sasaki #Comfort #Fluff #Dbda fic

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tumfullofblue · 2 months ago

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Hello, it is 👁️, your resident asexual G-Man appreciator back with a SFW request because I just couldn’t let the allos have all the fun/silly

Anyway, may I please request a snippet about a reader who opened the Vault (in Alyx’s place; G’ could be anticipating this or not, up to you) but, when asked what they wanted nudged, found themself empathetic towards the Being they had just released, wishing nothing more than to stay with him and maybe perhaps know more about him (though I can’t see our Mystery of Mysteries making that last part particularly easy~).

Thank you very much again, feel free to take your time and remember to take good care of yourself!

~👁️

ʕ◕ᴥ◕ʔ Hello, my resident asexual G-Man appreciator! Glad to see you back and I'm gonna let you know - I fuck HARD with your request, because this is always what I wanted/imagined myself to do; asking G-man to take care of me and get close to him ʕ•̫͡•ʔ✧⃛ Your request is just what I needed!

Also, thank you for your kind words ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ🎉It's nice knowing someone out there thinks even a little bit about me.

Anyway, hope you enjoy this one!

«What would you want nudged?”

You felt a wave of dizziness washed over you. Time didn’t matter. Matter didn’t matter. You were either floating in the endless, dark ocean, or flying through space and the only beacon was this… man, in front of you. The one who was supposed to be a weapon. The one who seemed to be waiting, just for you. So many questions… and you were so, so tired to ask them all.

“I… I…”

Your own voice seemed hushed, barely above whisper. What the man offered to you was tempting as devil’s contract. You could change anything. You could ask things that would benefit only you, finally allow yourself to be selfish. Somehow, you believed that man.

Somehow, all those things you could ask of him seemed…. Insignificant.

You’ve chased him for so long. It doesn’t even matter that he wasn’t a weapon you hoped to find for the resistance. What matters is that he was trapped. A cage withing the cage within the cage. How long has he been here? How many days, weeks, months he had to endure the loneliness, the isolation, the weight of reality wrapped beyond any recognition?..

The man was waiting patiently for your answer, even stopping himself from going around you, even though you were very, very intriguing to him. His attention was focused solely on you, fingers steeped together, some warmth appearing in his eyes, ever changing color, like the reality around you. He knew what you would ask of him, of course. You just had to be brave enough to say it out loud.

“I want to stay with you,” finally, finally, you found words – simple, raw, like emotions you felt right now. You lick your lips, suddenly nervous. “You are… unusual. I feel like I have to be here, with you. I feel like I needed to find this… this Vault. And where can I go now, when I saw what… what you can do?”

There. You said it. You asked of this man, of this being to stick with him. The plea borders on madness, but the vault has already seeped into your bones, and you’re certain—he’s been watching you far longer than you’ve been watching him. The silence stretches.

It seemed like he could be silent forever.

"Curious… request."

The words slither out, slow, deliberate, his breath (if he was even breathing) hitching just so. His fingers twitch at his tie, adjusting it with mechanical precision. His eyes—god, his eyes—hold you pinned, dissected. You imagine sinking into them, letting the darkness there swallow you whole. It wouldn’t be the worst way to go.

"Most ask for survival. For victory. For benefit of their struggle. But you…" A pause. "You wish to walk beside me. You must be certain, my dear."

“I am certain.”

“Hm. I never doubt it. You did.”

A chill prickled your skin. Had you? Or had he simply decided you had? The lights dimmed. Shadows stretched unnaturally, warping the walls. Suddenly, the man moves again. One step forward—no, not a step. A shift. One moment he’s across from you, the next he’s right there, close enough that you could count the threads in his collar if you dared to look away from his eyes. His hand lifted—pale, almost translucent in the sickly glow—and hovered near your temple. You leaned into his touch, so cold, so familiar it almost hurt. You feel his satisfaction in the way the air thickens.

"Very well." His voice was softer now, almost gentle. "But remember: some doors… once opened…" A glitch in his speech, a static crackle. "...stay opened forever."

You see it now. A white door, a white shadow of a door opened behind him. His hand slide down from your cheek to gently nudge you towards it.

“Come with me now, my dear. I do have such sights to show you.”

#bear writes #half life #half life 2 #gman #gman x reader #gman x oc #me? placing a hellriser quote? less likely thank you think #half life alyx #👁️ anon

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haveyouseenthisskeleton · 6 months ago

Note

Skeleton and S/O got separated because S/O cheated on Skeleton. They had a child together, and S/O wants to keep them for them exclusively and goes to court so Skeleton doesn't have any right to see them again. How would the skeleton react?

Undertale Sans - Sans is devastated about the recent changes in his life and he's struggling a lot with the situation. For Sans, family is everything so the thought he's never going to see his child again makes him sick. He's already about to give up before the court, because what can he possibly do. Papyrus got mad at him for real for once and told him to wake up and do something about this, as it's not fair and he's not the one who did something wrong. It takes a moment, and it's particularly hard as S/O immediately uses his past as a depressive against him to have custody, but he has his brother and Toriel's support all along, and eventually, he starts to fight back and gain alternate custody, a week out of two. He's so relieved he cried at the end of the audience. Sure, that's going to be complicated, to be a dad on his own, but he could have never forgiven himself if he lost his child like that.

Undertale Papyrus - Papyrus doesn't understand your decision and discovers a new part of your personality in court that he really doesn't like, as you tell the court he's dumb and too naive to take care of a child, and that he's going to put them in danger. Papyrus is even more hurt after that. Is this really what you thought of him all this time? He thought you understood it's all a facade, but apparently, he was wrong. Maybe splitting ways is not a bad thing after all. Well, whatever you say, Papyrus will fight for his child. He knows how these trials work, and he has a good situation. He's quite literally working for the King and the Queen, what better position can he possibly have? He's still too nice to ask for exclusive custody, which he could have easily, because unlike you, he still thinks about your feelings. He doesn't hesitate either to tell that to your face to make you feel guilty. He just wants his child to be safe and to have a normal life, unlike you who's just trying to use their child to hurt him. Papyrus is upset when he comes home, even though he got what he wanted, but that's never nice to discover the person you lived with didn't care about you at all after all.

Underswap Sans - He doesn't even try to fight back. Blue knows he has never been suited to be a parent, that he was neglectful and that it's for the best he doesn't get to see his child again. Honey is upset because he's not going to see his niece/nephew again, but Honey was also more of a father to his kid than he ever was. Blue knows he has his part of the responsibility for what happened. He was literally never home, and he was not even surprised when he discovered his S/O cheated on him for months. He doesn't have any right on this child, and he's actually a tiny bit relieved he doesn't have to be a father anymore. Honey could never forgive him for that and it will forever be something they will argue on, but Blue doesn't mind. He did all he could to make it work, it didn't. Now it's time to move on.

Underswap Papyrus - Honey was heartbroken after you two broke up, but this is just stabbing him in the back at his most vulnerable moment. It's actually what snapped him out of his depressive state. You can betray him, cheat on him, treat him like shit all you want. But you don't touch his children. Honey will fight back and ask for the exclusive guard. He could never forgive you for trying to take his children away from him. He has Asgore's, Undyne's and Blue's support all along, who agreed to vouch for him in court. And he's going to win. Because he still is merciful and empathetic, he accepts to let you visit the children if you ask for it, but on the condition, he's there to watch over the encounter. He doesn't trust you anymore. Now that it's done, Honey can finally move on and start to live again a little. He's done crying for you.

Underfell Sans - You think he's going to let you win? Sure, he didn't want the kids at first, as you said to the judge, but he's a father now, he cares, and you're just unfair. And seems you don't want to play fair, he won't either. He takes his brother as his attorney. Good luck with that, you bitch. He can't say the look of pure terror he saw in your eyes when Edge showed up didn't please him. You asked for it, now cry while his brother is atomizing you. Red gets exclusive custody of the child easily. He's not scared of you, and that's a sweet sweet revenge for all the suffering you cause. He regrets nothing.

Underfell Papyrus - You agreed on alternate custody, so when you randomly said you wanted it exclusive, he got even more betrayed. Of course, he's not perfect, and he has enemies, but do you really think you can protect them as good as he did? Because custody or not, that child is a target. And he refuses to let them die stupidly because you can hold to your words. So Edge plays dirty too and asks for exclusive custody. He's a lawyer, he's a close relationship of the Royal family, money will never be a problem and it doesn't take a genius to see he did a good job raising his child so far. He wins easily. He feels guilty for his ex, but he can't take the risk. You did that to yourself.

Horrortale Sans - Unfortunately, Oak loses the custody. He knew it, and despite Willow, Toriel, and Grillby witnessing for him, no judge could trust a child with some guy that forgets everything every ten minutes and used to kill humans for fun Underground. Oak is heartbroken and furious, and one day, he just disappears. As his brother is worried sick, he learns on live TV that Oak's child had been kidnapped, and he can't help but have a very bad feeling about this. Oak took his kid back and went to hide Underground with them, without telling no one. You want him back? Come to look for them on his own territory to see who's going to win this. He has nothing to lose.

Horrortale Papyrus - Willow fights in court with his last forces. Unfortunately, it's not enough. The judge considers he is too disabled to take care of his child, and because he has also to take care of Oak, that his S/O declared completely unstable and dangerous, the farm is no place for a child. Willow agonizing screams as his S/O dragged his child from the room will actually quickly became viral online, and a lot of people decided to help him to get at least custody the weekends and during the school breaks. Willow refused to give up and with their help, he managed to win at least this. He's still extremely sour as he won't see his child growing up, but that's better than nothing. He's never talking to S/O ever again though. You used quite literally of all his triggers against him, he could never forgive you. He hopes the kid will decide to live with him when they're old enough to choose.

Swapfell Sans - Nox is ready to fight for his children, but unfortunately something he didn't plan comes to disturb his plans: Toriel. The Queen actually thinks getting rid of the children is good as Nox can finally focus on his job again and tries to convince him to give up and let his S/O go. Nox is torned, but eventually, Toriel chooses for him by blackmailing his family, pretending to be him. His S/O reported it to the judge, and he lost custody. Nox is devastated and angry, but that ok, because Toriel is there to comfort him, right? She's like a mother to him, he only needs her. Who cares about some little human, they're not reliable. Nox falls back into depression and scares his brother enough for him to actually act and look for a way to prove Toriel was blackmailing his family, not Nox, which happen six months later. With Rus help, Nox manages to get an alternate custody, and with that, he slowly moves on. Toriel, however, is extremely angry with him, and with Rus, and well, let's just say it's best to watch the children closely from now on.

Swapfell Papyrus - Oh, he knows he doesn't have the slightest chance to have custody. He's unstable, dangerous, and he's a public danger. He already resigned to this way before going to court. No, Rus just wants to humiliate his ex and will transform into a complete asshole by listing all the things they did him wrong and how they are actually no better than him. He gets out of here with alternate custody, having no idea how the hell that happened. Well, he's still a little relieved he will still see his children a week out of two. His S/O won't talk to him again though, but that's life. Rus is not that sad. It's not the first one to cheat on him, probably won't be the last either. He can find someone better than this.

Fellswap Gold Sans - Oh, he can't wait for the court to happen. Wine paid all of the people that are going to be in the room to vote in his favor. He's staring at you with a big creepy smile during the entire judgment, trying to intimidate you. Unfortunately, you will soon learn that you really don't want to have Wine as your enemy. He's not violent, he's subtle. If he wants something, he gets it. He wins full custody of the child, and you go home with nothing but your tears. Who knows, maybe if you pay him, he could change his mind and let you have the child on weekends :) It's up to you. After all, he knows loyalty is not your biggest quality, right? You put yourself in a bad, bad situation that you're going to regret for a very long time.

Fellswap Gold Papyrus - Coffee is completely destroyed after the breakup, so he doesn't have the strength to say anything during the trial. That's ok though. You hurt Coffee. You know what happens when you're doing that? No? Well... You for sure do when Wine enters... As the judge for the trial. He watches with immense pleasure as you decompose on your seat. Why so pale dear? It seems you just saw a ghost. Don't worry, that ghost is going to haunt you for the rest of your life. Wine destroys your argument point by point, then gives full custody to his brother. Now go cry in the arms of your replacement. After all, you'll know soon how it feels to be replaced as a parent, so... Yeah, he doesn't regret anything. You can still try to cry and report him, who's going to listen to you? Do you think someone wants to be his enemy? Too bad you needed that to understand it. You should be lucky you're even still alive.

#undertale #underswap #underfell #horrortale #swapfell #fellswap gold #sans #papyrus #undertale ask blog #undertale asks #undertale imagines #undertale headcanons

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olivia-anderson-fanfic · 6 months ago

Text

Yuu can do it!

Part 72

First - Previous - Masterlist - Next

Ito opened their eyes and found themself lying on the floor.

Not particularly surprising.

But, instead of being near a bed, with one of their friends leaning over them to make sure they were okay (as if they hadn’t been the ones to shove them off the bed in the first place), they were in the middle of a grand, opulent hall.

They sat up, slowly, looking around with a small frown. The architectural style was similar to Scarabia, but it was slightly different. No longer bound quite as strongly to the reds, golds, and oranges. They could see splashes of blue, green, and purple…

There were people around them.

They weren’t moving. As if they were frozen in time.

“Oh, puta madre,” they said, tipping their head back in a groan. “Come on! I was sooooo nice! Rosehearts, Kinscholar, and Ashengrotto? I get that, I was not sensitive to their plights. But I was good this time! I actually tried to help both of them!”

Their subconscious did not respond by morphing their dream into something else. It did not respond at all.

They scowled. They didn’t deserve this random guilt trip their subconscious was trying to force upon them.

They had been empathetic! This was bullshit!

Ito glowered at the young version of Jamil. He was maybe four or five, if they had to guess. In his arms was a bundle of blankets that was slightly too big for him to hold – not because it was heavy, but because the bundle was too tall for him to see over. He was standing on tiptoes, trying to see over the top, unaware that that was not how that kind of thing works, yet.

… he was kind of cute. Ito wanted to pinch his cheeks.

They couldn’t, yet, that would start the ‘scene’.

During the dream devoted to Azul’s childhood, they had learned that no amount of sulking and refusing to play ball would get them out of watching the ‘movie’ their mind had so ‘thoughtfully’ dreamt up for them. It could and would wait them out.

“Hold on, baby, I just need to wreck some shit real quick,” they said.

The young version of Jamil didn’t respond. Of course. They’d been talking to themself more than anything.

Ito grabbed a pitcher out of a servant’s hands and threw it at the wall as hard as they could.

The second the pitcher left their hands, it flew right back into place.

Their jaw ticked.

They grabbed a chair and lifted it, intent on bashing it against a nearby wall manually.

“Are you… okay…?” someone said, from behind them.

Ito whirled around and threw a chair at him with a high-pitched scream that they were very happy Enma and Kuroki weren’t around to hear.

The chair, of course, just shot back into place without even getting close to the stranger.

For just a second, the both of them stared at each other.

The guy was… weird. The dream around them had a slightly faded look to it – a faint, gray filter over everything. And his hair was silver so, at first glance, he fit in, but he was just a little too clear. It was as if he had been photoshopped in without care for lighting or filters.

He smiled apologetically. “Didn’t mean to startle you.”

“... oh, you’re my subconscious, part two,” Ito sighed, running their fingers through their hair (it was never tied back in their dreams, they hated it). “Congrats on being a good person, Being From My Subconscious, but I really don’t need any of this.”

His eyebrows knit. “I’m not… I’m a real person. Silver. We go to the same school.”

Ito narrowed their eyes at him. He did look vaguely familiar but, then again, dreams ‘create’ faces based on ones you’ve seen before. So, frankly, that was to be expected. Still…

They snapped their fingers. “You’re the loud guy’s friend, right?”

“Yes. I’m sorry for him, by the way.”

They waved him off. “I’d rather hear that in person. And, maybe, from him, directly.”

“Okay,” said Silver, strangely serious.

“Er, okay, well… Subconscious-san, what’s up?”

Silver hesitated, briefly, like he wanted to say something, but then decided against it. He looked around, frowning. “I’m not sure. This dream feels… strange.”

“You’re telling me,” Ito snickered. “I really don’t know why I’m having this dream. I assumed that my brain was getting onto me for not being ‘empathetic’ enough, but I really was, this time… I don’t knooooow, it’s dumb. Maybe it’s because I’m not genuinely empathetic? But, like, my own brain should know that that’s not really something I can just fix.”

Silver nodded along, looking thoughtful. “That –.”

“Maybe it’s punishment for almost dying?” Ito said, looking at Silver for confirmation.

Silver just looked concerned.

“Not that, then…” Ito said, beginning to pace in small circles.

“Hold on, you – ?”

“Shhh, I’m thinking.”

To their surprise, he actually did shut up when asked. Ito was kind of disgusted by how nice this guy was. But whatever, if he was nice then maybe he could help them figure out what was going on.

“It can’t be the almost-dying thing, since it happened during Ashengrotto and Kingscholar’s Overblots, too, and I was fine, then… it’s clearly linked to the Overblotters themselves… and I didn’t have a dream about that one Phantom in the mines, so maybe it doesn’t count if the Host is dead…?”

Silver hesitated, before putting a hand on their shoulder, forcing them to still. “Relax.”

“You look more stressed than I do,” Ito said, flashing a grin, before going back to staring at a specific spot on the floor, thoughtful. “Let’s see… it always shows me some approximation of their childhood, so clearly it wants me to understand them better… but why?”

They looked at Silver. He gave a helpless shrug.

“I’m afraid I don’t know your situation well enough to answer that question,” he said, his eyebrows knitting. “However, this dream feels strange compared to the others I’ve been in, so I believe there’s some sort of magic at play.”

“Subconscious-san, you’re really not helping me much here,” they whined.

“Sorry, I’ll go.”

They blinked, once, and he was gone.

They’d only really said that because they should be free to act like a petulant child when within the confines of their own head, but he was gone, now, and didn’t seem to be coming back. Whoops.

… well, they supposed it wasn’t impossible for magic to affect dreams. If Jamil can mind control someone, then surely there’s someone who can control dreams, too.

The question is – why bother?

Of course, this was assuming ‘Silver’ was actually trying to give them advice and not just throwing them off course for fun. This was their own brain, after all, and they would never put it past themself to do that.

They pinched the bridge of their nose, frustration prickling beneath their skin, before they sighed and waltzed over to the young version of Jamil.

They pressed ‘play’.

The young child began to waddle along, careful not to drop any of the sheets he was carrying.

“Jamil!” a high-pitched voice called, and Jamil had just enough time to set the blankets down on a nearby table before Kalim was throwing himself at him.

The pair of children hugged. Jamil seemed fondly exasperated, patting the top of Kalim’s head absently.

“Do you wanna play mancala?” Kalim asked, his eyes bright.

Jamil gave a little huff of laughter. “Really? I’m just going to win again. Don’t you want to play something else?”

Kalim drew back, pouting. “No! We’ve gotta keep playing so I can get good enough to beat you!”

“That’s not how it works… but fine –.”

“Jamil,” someone else said, and their voice was much sharper.

Ito gave a sympathetic wince as Jamil was chancla-ed (or whatever the Middle Eastern equivalent was). Those things hurt.

“Don’t speak to Kalim-sama that way,” his mother scolded.

She dipped forward in a bow.

When Jamil didn’t follow suit, she reached her hand out and shoved him into a bow as well.

“Forgive my son’s behavior.”

Kalim scratched his cheek, his smile a little dimmer than it had been just a few seconds prior. A hair awkward, really. “Oh, it’s fine!”

“You were raised well,” said Jamil’s mother, smiling faintly as she lifted her head. “May we get back to work? I can send Jamil over to play games with you once he’s finished.”

Kalim looked a little put out at the idea of waiting, but he nodded and rushed off with a yell for Jamil not to take too long.

Jamil scooped up the sheets he’d been carrying and started off again.

This time, though, his mother fell in step with him. “You are far too indolent towards him. One day, Kalim-sama will realize that.”

Jamil looked like he was concentrating very hard on a stray hair that had caught on one of the sheets.

“Our job is to please our betters.”

Jamil handed the sheets off to a different servant, and then turned to his mom, frowning. “I don’t get it.”

Her expression softened, just slightly. “You’ll understand one day. You’re a smart boy.”

“He’s not my better, though. I’m better than him at everything!”

His mother flinched, glancing around to make sure that no one had overheard.

(Ito, floating along behind them, fought the urge to hold their breath.)

“Jamil… you can’t say things like that.” His mother sighed, crouching down in front of him. “I know it’s demeaning, but our family is well cared for. There are people on the streets who would kill to have our position in life.”

Jamil frowned. “People would kill to be able to serve someone else?”

His mother took a moment to tuck Jamil’s bangs behind his ear, smiling in that complicated, sad way that adults do when they’re about to break bad news to a young child. “Sometimes, people are born lucky, sometimes they’re born unlucky. We’re… on the luckier side of unlucky.”

“... and Kalim…sama was lucky,” said Jamil.

“Yes. And, because of that, we have to make the Asims happy, whenever possible.”

Jamil nodded once, though he didn’t look happy about it.

His mother smiled, softly. “I’ll cover your chores. Go play with Kalim-sama.”

The scene shifted, apparently to the ending moves of the mancala game. The two kids were, approximately, tied, with a similar amount of marbles in each of their ‘goals’.

Jamil paused, briefly, his hand hovering over the board.

And then he chose the one next to the one he’d been looking at.

Kalim won.

Kalim stared, his eyes wide, for just a second. He didn’t seem to believe it, because he recounted all of their marbles himself.

And then he looked up at Jamil, beaming.

“I – I did it?” Kalim said.

“You did,” Jamil agreed, clapping politely.

“So, the student becomes the master!”

Kalim didn’t seem to see the way Jamil’s expression soured, just slightly.

Kalim was happy, but only at Jamil’s expense. Ito got the sinking feeling that this was, unfortunately, going to become a pattern.

These thoughts were almost immediately proven right:

A new day, a new game. Chess, apparently. Kalim was only a few moves away from winning. “Ohohoh! I saw this flyer the other day for a breakdancing competition! We should totally join!”

“Did you check that it’s an amateur, youth breakdancing competition?” Jamil said, sounding like a tired parent.

“Yep!” said Kalim, seeming very proud of himself. “Should we do it?”

“Sure, if that’s what you want.”

The world around them whirled out of focus.

They were outside, in the middle of a crowd, watching from the stands as Kalim was handed a trophy.

“I won!” Kalim said, immediately turning around to show his best friend, stars in his eyes.

Jamil smiled back at him. It was strained.

It was then that Kalim remembered that Jamil had also competed. His expression dimmed, slightly. “Well – where did you place?”

“Second,” said Jamil.

“That’s still good!” said Kalim, immediately. Just a little too fast. It was likely he had been planning to say that no matter what place Jamil had gotten. But he was quick to take this in stride: “You’re so good, I’m sure you’ll win the next one. Do you, maybe, get nervous in front of crowds?”

“Maybe,” said Jamil. And then he clapped Kalim on the shoulder. “Don’t tell them I told you, it’s supposed to be a surprise, but I hear that the cooks are going to be making a huge feast to celebrate.”

“You ‘hear’,” Kalim repeated, sending him a grin. “As if you haven’t already taste-tested everything for poison.”

“You’ve caught me,” said Jamil, holding his hands up in mocking surrender, but his heart clearly wasn’t in it. His eyes had yet to leave the trophy in Kalim’s hands.

Kalim’s smile dimmed, for just a second, before returning in full force. Because that’s what it was – forced.

“It’s so cool that you get to eat before everyone else,” Kalim said, a child’s clumsy attempt to cheer up their friend.

Jamil laughed, only a bit bitter. “You can eat early, too, if you’re willing to risk getting poisoned.”

“Maybe I will! It’d be nice to eat with you, again.”

Jamil punched him in the shoulder. “Don’t say that. You’re the Asim family’s heir, you need to live on to sire heirs and all of that.”

The scene froze just as Kalim’s nose scrunched in distaste, his mouth open to complain about the idea of having kids, as all children his age would.

That wasn’t what Ito’s eyes caught on, though. No, they saw the way Jamil was holding himself. His arms crossed over his chest. The fabric of his shirt curled around his fingers in a way that suggested that his nails were trying to dig in.

Because Jamil had implied something with that last sentence – Kalim needed to live on, but Jamil was expendable.

No child should have to think that way.

Ito sighed and knelt by the kid to wrap him in a hug. “I’m sorry.”

Ito woke up, and they were fine.

Okay, this wasn’t entirely true.

Their skin felt rubbed raw. Their clothes, the rug beneath them, their own hair, even the air itself – all of it chaffed against them. Maybe they would have felt tears prickling at the corners of their eyes on any other day, because it was all just too much, but they had been wrung dry. Their throat clicked with every swallow.

Every inhale smelled of blood.

Considering anyone else would have died if they had done the same thing, Ito was going to call this a win.

Kuroki knelt in front of them and offered them a healing potion.

They must not have been out for long. Kuroki’s pupils were still dilated to the size of pinpricks, his hands shook with waning adrenaline.

Ito opened their mouth to tell him that they were fine, just thirsty, but they only managed a pitiful croaking sound.

Kuroki shoved the vial at them, more insistent this time. “You literally can’t even say the words ‘I’m fine’, so don’t you dare try pulling that shit.”

Their lips pursed into a thin line. They couldn’t form the words to ask for water, and miming their need for it would only encourage Kuroki to give them the ‘liquid’ he was already offering them.

(Even if Kuroki figured out what they wanted, he’d feign ignorance, anyway.)

They felt Enma slot into place behind them, his chin coming to rest on their shoulder. “C’mon, Ito, please?” he asked, sounding exhausted.

They would have sighed, if they could. That was playing dirty.

They could respect that.

They brought the potion to their lips, grimacing as they struggled to swallow even a single mouthful. It was soothing, but also wasn’t. It was slightly slimy, sticking to the walls of their throat. They weren’t sure whether this was because of their apparent dehydration or just how the potion was.

At least they couldn’t taste it. All of the blood had muted their tastebuds.

They finished their ‘drink’.

They still felt slightly – strange. Their skin buzzed. Their throat ached. They could smell nothing but blood. But they were pretty sure all of that was just in their head.

Outside of the blood thing. They lifted their hand, slowly, to their own nose.

Kuroki stopped them before they could actually touch the blood that was surely staining their face.

“I’ll get it,” he said.

He rushed out of the room.

Arms wrapped around their waist. They were dragged in close to Enma, until they were about halfway in his lap.

“Was opening it an accident?”

“Opening what?”

“The bioweapon. Did you… did the glass break, or did you open it?”

They turned to look at him more fully. His eyes were closed, waiting for the inevitable truth.

“... I had reason to believe that I’d be fine,” said Ito, quietly.

He opened his eyes, more out of surprise than anything, and peered at them for a minute. Looking for a lie. He couldn’t find one. Because, for once, they were being as honest as they could be.

“And what was that?”

They gave him a halfhearted shrug.

He chuckled darkly. “Well, you should have told us ahead of time. You scared the shit out of us.”

“Sorry. I didn’t think I’d ever have to actually do it.”

He looked at them for just a second longer, before sighing and turning them around so he could cling to them more comfortably.

Kuroki returned with a napkin and several bottles of water laden in his arms.

He cleaned their face, dabbing at it with a wetted napkin. They kept their eyes closed the entire time. They really didn’t need to see their own blood right now.

Finally, he was done.

When they peeked their eyes open, Kuroki seemed much calmer. He offered them some water, which, for once, they took without complaint.

“How do you feel?” Kuroki asked, quietly.

“Like I was atomized and then strung back together again,” Ito deadpanned. A small grin started to tug at their lips when Kuroki’s eyes widened in concern, and they stuck their tongue out at him. His expression fell into an annoyed scowl, and Ito thought they preferred that. “Don’t worry. It didn’t hurt. I just had a nightmare.”

“You got bioweapon-ed but it didn’t hurt,” Kuroki said, flatly.

Ito crossed their legs in an attempt to get comfortable, since it was very clear Enma wasn’t intent on letting go of them anytime soon. “Must not work on things from a different reality.”

Enma hummed. “Oh, should we should try it ourselves, then?”

“Nah, not worth it.”

“Isn’t it, though? The scientific method requires repeated trials. And we have two more vials, we might as well.”

“It’d be a waste.”

Kuroki flopped forward against their chest, pressing his face into the fabric of their shirt. “You’re an asshole, Ito.”

“Yeah. I know,” they said, sighing. They pressed a kiss to his hairline. “I wish I could be better for you.”

“Is Viper-senpai okay?” Ito asked, after a while.

“Yeah. Kinda. Kalim-senpai was clinging to him and sobbing last we checked,” Kuroki waved them off.

Ito grimaced. “Poor thing.”

“Do you actually care about that guy?” Enma asked, incredulously. “Him? Does he even have any good qualities?”

Their lips twitched into a grin. “There is no human in existence who is wholly bad.”

“Good qualities,” Enma stressed. “It can’t have anything to do with his sad backstory. That’s unrelated.”

“He’s not that bad.”

“He absolutely is,” said Kuroki.

“In my defense, I didn’t know you guys would hate him so much. If I had, I wouldn’t have agreed to help him.”

Kuroki shifted, slightly, lifting his head to squint at them. “Really?”

“Mhmm,” said Ito, absently leaning to press a kiss to his nose. “You guys are important to me.”

Kuroki flushed bright red. The arms around their waist squeezed tighter.

“For the record, we know what you’re doing,” Enma grumbled, pressing his face into the crook of their neck.

“Hm. Do you want me to stop?”

Neither of their friends responded.

“That’s what I thought.” They, absently, carded their fingers through Kuroki’s hair. “How’d you know, by the way? Do you, like, know the average length of my bathroom breaks and know that I was ‘lingering’ for some reason?”

“The pills in your pocket are prescribed to one ‘Jamil Viper’,” said Enma.

“Ah, I get it, you’re pickpockets who invade my privacy.”

Kuroki snorted. “If Ace ever hears you say that, he’ll kill you, I hope you know.”

“Then don’t be a snitch. Unless you want your best friend dead, of course.”

“After that stunt you pulled? Maybe we do,” Enma said.

Ito tipped back against him with an overdramatic gasp. “You’re so mean!”

After a while, Kalim’s wails died off. Ito, who had thought the consistent ringing in their ears was just a side effect of kinda-dying, detangled themself from Kuroki and Enma to go look.

Kuroki and Enma were quick to reattach to them, of course. Kuroki clung to their arm, and Enma rested his own arm over his shoulders in a way that would seem casual if he wasn’t pressed quite so close to their side.

Ito didn’t mind, so long as they could still walk.

They poked their head into the next room.

The Octavinelle students were huddled together as usual (not that Ito could talk). They seemed to be gossiping. Again: as usual.

Jamil was patting Kalim on the head in an attempt to get Kalim to fully calm down. Because, apparently, he was still crying, just a little more quietly.

“You’re so dramatic,” he chided. “Crying at this age…”

“You literally just Overblotted,” Grim said.

(Oh. Grim. Where had he been? Ito hadn’t noticed he was gone earlier… their eyebrows knit together for just a moment, before they dismissed the thought. Jamil had organized quite the banquet during his Overblot. They wouldn’t be surprised to learn that Grim had gone searching through the rubble to find something to eat… actually, now that they were looking, they could see little bits of rubble had caught in his fur.)

The callout must have hit home for Jamil. He looked away, a slightly awkward expression on his face. Ito suspected that he was blushing.

Their attention was quickly stolen away, though.

Floyd clicked his tongue and then grabbed Enma by the shoulder. “Six meters, mister.”

“Oh come on,” complained Enma as he was dragged a fair distance away. “We help defeat an Overblot for you, again, and you’re going to continue being annoying?” There was a beat, before he gave in and tacked on a quick, “...senpai.”

“I’m on Floyd Leech-senpai’s side, here,” said Ito.

Jade raised an eyebrow. “Are you still mad about earlier?”

(“About what?” asked Kuroki. He was ignored.)

“Mmmmm not really,” said Ito, poking him in the chest. “I just think it’s funny.”

They pulled Jade’s phone out of his breast pocket, and then turned to Grim.

Before Jade could even react, Grim shoved his phone down his own throat. The boy stared on in horror as Grim licked his lips.

He turned to Ito. “Why?”

Wow. That was probably the most emotion Ito had ever heard from the guy.

“Revenge, maybe?” they said, shrugging. And then they glanced at Jamil. “Get Biper-senpai – hell – to pay for a new one for you.”

The tension in Jamil’s shoulders faded, slightly. He cuffed Ito over the back of the head. “Thanks, partner. A little late, though.”

“Better late than never, right, B–... Viper-senpai?”

“You can call me Jamil,” Jamil said, sighing. And then he glanced to Ito’s side. “... or not…?”

They turned their head. Kuroki was still clinging to their arm. When they looked over, though, he had a perfectly innocent smile in place.

This was, in their opinion, more suspicious than if Kuroki had been glaring at Jamil.

“Hey,” Enma cut in, having to raise his voice slightly to be heard from where Floyd was keeping him captive across the room. “So you know, we didn’t actually stream everything… we recorded it.”

“Wait – really?” said Jamil. His expression was complicated. As if he wanted to believe it, but didn’t trust it.

He looked at Ito.

Ito nodded. “On the phone that Grim just… disposed of.”

Jamil looked torn for a second longer, before he said, “Why didn’t you tell me that before I Overblotted?! I thought I was going to die!”

“I was already in trouble,” said Ito.

(“You still are,” Kuroki grumbled, but Ito had already decided they weren’t in trouble anymore, so clearly this was incorrect.)

“I… don’t understand you three’s dynamic,” said Jamil.

“No one does –,” said Floyd.

“My blackmail!” Azul screamed bloody murder, sinking to his knees dramatically as the realization finally set in.

Kalim started crying again, too.

Ito pinched the bridge of their nose. This was just like when their younger brothers were still babies. One of them would start crying, and the other would start crying out of, like, solidarity or something. It was terrible.

“I almost had him calmed down, too,” Jamil lamented.

Ito would have reached out and given him a consoling pat on the shoulder, but Kuroki yanked them a step away from Jamil when they tried to do so.

“Listen, Kalim,” said Jamil, in the kind of voice people use to talk to small children. “Don’t worry. If… everything wasn’t actually streamed, then no one back home knows. Nothing has to change –.”

“But I want things to change,” Kalim said, miserably.

Some color drained from Jamil’s face. “You… do…?”

“I want to be equals. Real equals,” said Kalim. “Friends, even.”

Jamil stared at him for a solid minute. And then he pushed Kalim off of him. His face was full of color once again – plus some. There was an angry flush to his cheeks.

“Alright, let’s get one thing straight. Kalim, we are not friends. We will never be friends, got it? You are a thoughtless, sloppy, idiotic, clumsy, ludicrously oblivious, arrogant, indelicate, pampered little rich boy, and I want nothing to do with you!”

The silence that lingered after that particular tirade was painfully long.

Kalim stared at Jamil, his eyes wide.

And then he pointed at him. “You didn’t say no to being equals, though. So, how about this – within this school, we are rivals! And I will earn your friendship, properly this time!”

Jamil snorted. “You can try.”

(“Fuck this gayass school,” Kuroki whispered. Ito pressed their lips together thinly to keep themself from laughing.)

Kalim, in his infinite wisdom, had decided to hold a party at the Oasis. Surely, he said, that will liven the mood.

Ito could see the trauma on all of the Scarabia students’ faces.

“They have a swimming pool, why are we walking alllll the way out to the Oasis?” Kuroki complained.

Jamil sent him a frown. “You aren’t even going to be walking. Why are you complaining?”

“It’s the principle of the thing,” said Enma.

“Also, because it annoys you,” said Kuroki, smiling sweetly.

Ito pinched the bridge of their nose. “Sorry about them, Jamil-senpai.”

“Don’t worry about it, I understand completely,” said Jamil, his eyes flicking to Kalim, briefly.

Enma looked horrified at having been compared to Kalim. Ito was pretty sure this was his Coming To Jesus moment.

Kuroki, on the other hand, had no intentions of repenting. He flipped off their senior. Ito sighed and shoved his hand down.

“Oh, right, have you taken your medicine?” Jamil asked, idly.

Nevermind. Kuroki was right. Ito hated this guy.

“Maybe we really are in an isekai,” said Kuroki. “I mean. Look. We’re in the beach episode right now.”

Ito’s eyebrows knit. “What’s an i-se-kai?”

“... don’t worry about it,” said Kuroki, sighing. He offered them a tube of sunscreen. “Can you get my back for me?”

Ito looked at their hands. They were still missing a glove. It was… a weird experience, to say the absolute least. After months of wearing them, the feeling of anything touching their palms was kind of off-putting. They, kind of, felt naked.

“Nah, it’s a problem for Enma,” Ito decided.

Kuroki flopped back in the sand overdramatically. “But Enma’s flirting, I don’t wanna go over there…”

Ito glanced over at where Enma and Jade were, apparently, having a very nice chat.

In order for them to have said ‘very nice chat’, Floyd had been buried in the sand. Ito hadn’t seen who had done it, but they were betting on Jade. Apparently, the whole ‘not letting Enma and Jade within talking distance of each other’ thing had gotten old.

(Whether or not Jade was now listening to Enma ramble about a TV show out of spite for Floyd or genuine interest in the subject was, frankly, a 50/50 guess.)

… actually, the longer Ito looked at Floyd, the more concerned they got. He was looking pretty pale. Considering how hot the sand was, even through the towel they were sitting on, it wasn’t hard to imagine that he was at risk of a heat stroke –.

A random Scarabia student made the mistake of walking too close to Floyd, and Floyd’s teeth clamped down around their leg. Like the world’s most obvious bear trap.

Ito decided that he was fine.

As for Azul… he was in an inflatable pool ring, floating lazily in the water. He had a cocktail in one hand. Ito wasn’t sure where he got the cocktail. Hell, even the cocktail glass itself was a mystery. They were pretty sure they hadn’t seen anything other than red solo cups. Did he bring that himself? Why? For the aesthetic?

They turned back to Kuroki. They’d had enough of these people. “Fine, I’ll do your sunscreen. You’re going to get a hell of a sunburn if I don’t.”

Kuroki beamed. “Awesome! I’ll help you with your sunscreen, after.”

“You don’t have to trick me into wearing sunscreen,” Ito snickered.

“Well, I have to trick you into doing, like, every other kind of self-care. Sooo… habit, I guess,” Kuroki said, shrugging lazily.

Ito was both flattered and mildly offended.

Grim was at the buffet table, chowing down on everything he could grab. Frankly, it was genuinely kind of impressive. Ito had watched him eat an entire turkey, all on his own – the turkey had been bigger than him!

Ito did not understand. They chalked a lot of things up to ‘magic bullshit’, but there had to be a limit, right?

There was a loud crackling sound, and Ito turned their head to look at the sudden burst of fire magic on the horizon. Like a flare.

“ITO,” the tiny blob that had set off the flare screamed, in an unfortunately familiar voice.

“Oh, right,” Ito said. “Knew I was forgetting something…”

Ace was sprinting at them with his wand out.

Dully, they thought they should run.

They didn’t get much time to do that, though, because they were thrown back with a gust of wind magic.

Thankfully, they were in an oasis, and there was water behind them.

Less thankfully, Ace had not been looking carefully, and they went careening into Azul.

Ow. Azul was so bony, and said bones stuck into them in all of the absolute worst places.

At least they didn’t get all that wet. Thanks, Azul, for protecting them with your body. You were a worthy sacrifice.

Nevermind, Azul pushed them under for a second in apparent retaliation.

They weren’t even the one who did this!

They spat water at him, spitefully, wondering how they had managed to be submerged twice in a desert.

They turned to glare at Ace, who was sitting on the shoreline. Waiting for them to try to get out, almost definitely so he could throw them back under again. Which they obviously weren’t going to do.

His expression soured when they refused to play ball.

“You said you were kidnapped.”

“I was,” said Ito. “That was, like, four days ago. Catch up.”

“Five days ago,” corrected Azul, squinting into the water for his glasses.

(Ito took a moment to find them for him. Azul tipped his head forward in a short ‘thank you’.)

“You implied that Crowley was the one who kidnapped you,” Ace said.

“Heh. Yeah. I did do that.”

Ace lifted his wand again.

Ito shrieked, lifting their hands to cover their face. “In my defense, he was being annoying! And you would have needed to find him anyway, to get in, I just streamlined things!”

This did not seem to abate Ace’s annoyance in the slightest.

“At least pretend to be sorry, you dick –!”

Another body went crashing into them before Ace could murder them, sending them right back under the water. For the third time. This was a pattern, now. Hell sucks.

Hands grabbed them and yanked them out of the water, and that was all of the warning Ito got before they were smothered against someone’s chest.

“Ito!” Crowley wailed like a mourning widower. Which he might have been, Ito didn’t know his personal life. Nor did they want to. “You’re okay!”

“Oh, so now you care about me getting kidnapped,” Ito gritted out, pushing at his face to try to get even a centimeter of personal space, to no avail.

“You said you would tell me if they tried to kill you!”

Ito opened their mouth to point out that Crowley has never once helped out with an Overblot, only for something to occur to them: “Wait, how do you know about that?”

Crowley tapped his temple. “It’s a father’s intuition –.”

They shouldn’t have asked. They kneed him as hard as they possibly could. In a place they knew for a fact would hurt. If he insisted on continuing to talk about being a ‘father’ to them, they were going to ensure they never had ‘siblings’.

Crowley groaned, placing a hand on their shoulder to hold himself up. “A–and I was, up until a few minutes ago, looking for you in Scarabia. I saw the wreckage.”

Ace seemed to have decided that the Headmaster’s hovering was bad enough to leave them alone. He went to grab some food from the buffet table before Grim could vacuum it all up.

Deuce and Jack also punched them the moment they were close enough.

No one even tried to help them. The other mages were staying out of it, and Kuroki and Enma seemed to have decided it was funnier to let things ride.

Ito, truly, suffered so much as punishment for the things that they did.

This was Hell.

And, as a member of the land of the dead, it was their job to drag everyone down with them.

They smirked at the three mages that had tried to come to their rescue (as much as someone can smirk while there is a grown adult man slung over their back like a backpack). “Awwww… you care about us…”

The three teens flushed red.

“We’re friends,” Enma crowed.

Kuroki clasped his hands together by his head. “You hunted down the Headmaster in a foreign land and everything, that’s so cute.”

Jack rubbed the back of his neck, looking away. “I left something on campus, figured I may as well come ‘n help you while I was at it…”

“It would be kind of terrible of us to not come after we told you to text us if things went wrong,” said Deuce.

“I got bored at home,” said Ace. “Nothing to do there but play video games, so…”

Ito huffed. “Aw, Ace, you can’t act like you don’t care when we’re matching. Like true BFFs do.”

They held up their single gloved hand. They had never really figured out why Ace only wore one glove – a fashion statement, they assumed – but it was coming in handy, now. For the sake of teasing their friend.

Ace raised his eyebrows. “What happened to your other one?”

“Happened during the kidnapping. I can’t talk about it on account of the trauma,” Ito deadpanned.

“I can give you my glove, Ito-chan,” said Crowley.

“Pass. Ace?”

Crowley gave an overdramatic sob at the blatant rejection.

Ace just seemed mildly annoyed. He handed over his glove without much fanfare, though, so he couldn’t have been too upset.

They glanced back at Crowley, who was making a show of crying. He couldn’t even actually cry, on account of the No Eyes Thing.

“Your gloves wouldn’t even fit me,” Ito pointed out.

Crowley brightened up immediately. “Would you have accepted my offer if they did?”

“... honestly? No.”

Crowley was back to sulking. Ito could not stress enough that this man was, at the very least, 100 years old, probably older.

Kalim walked over with a couple of drinks, bouncing on the balls of his feet. He’d been dancing with Jamil for the past hour, how was he still so full of energy?

“These’re your friends, right?” said Kalim, beaming. “I see you guys together all the time, so you must be!”

“Yep, we’re BFFs,” said Ito, before their three emotionally stunted friends could get a word in edgewise.

“Awesome!” said Kalim. “Well, any friends of yours are friends of mine! C’mon!”

He pointed at Floyd, who had managed to escape his sand prison and was now DJ-ing.

The previous DJ’s head was buried in the sand, someone should really check on them.

But who cares about that? Floyd cranked up the music! It’s time to dance!

Ito looked imploringly at Enma and Kuroki, who immediately shook their heads. Vehemently. They huffed, mostly as a joke. They hadn’t really expected them to dance with them, but it was a bit of a letdown.

“Henchman!” said Grim, tugging on their arm. “Dance with me!”

Ito smiled. “Whatever you say, Grim-sama.”

Dancing with Grim wasn’t unlike dancing with a kid. He flung himself around wildly, with no real rhythm, tripping over himself and insisting that this was all their fault.

(Ito thought he was adorable.)

“Want me to teach you a dance from where I’m from?” they asked.

Grim’s eyes widened. “Sure!”

They pulled away from him. “Alright. First, let’s start with the footwork. Your feet are a little – different – than mine, and we’re in the sand so tap-dancing isn’t really a thing, but we can practice anyway! Now...”

Grim was no better at dancing when given instruction, but it was fun regardless.

He liked it the most when they lifted his paw over his head and spun him in a tight circle (as do most kids), so Ito was quick to include as many spins as they possibly could.

They also lifted him off the ground and swung him around every few minutes. If only because it was sweet to watch the monster’s eyes light up in anticipation the moment his paws left the floor.

It wasn’t really ‘traditional’ dancing anymore, but the point of dancing isn’t really to be perfect, in their opinion. It’s about having fun with your partner.

And the two of them did have fun.

Until Crowley tapped them on the shoulder.

“May I have this dance?”

Ito tilted their head to the side, peering at his hand for a second. They glanced at Grim, who made a too-loud excuse about wanting to go steal some food from Ace (they saw Ace, in the background, tense up).

They took Crowley’s hand. “Sure.”

Crowley danced like an old man. The way he danced was way too formal for the kind of music they were listening to (was the Foxtrot really the dance he wanted to do to EDM?), but it was probably the only dance that he knew how to do that wasn’t, like, swing dancing. And he was a pretty graceful dancer, he’d clearly done this many times before with someone.

Ito’s nose scrunched at the idea of the man dating someone. That should be illegal. He was too much of an Old Man to have ever dated before.

Thankfully, he was quick to pull their mind away from that particularly disturbing thought:

“You can put your feet on top of mine.”

“I’m not a kid. I know how to dance.”

“Really?” said Crowley, smiling. “It’s hard to tell, what with you stepping on my feet all the time.”

“That’s a choice I’m making,” Ito said. “Do you know how much skill it takes to step on someone’s feet every other step without looking down?”

Crowley stepped on their foot less than a second later. “Hm… I suppose I see your point.”

Ito flashed a grin. “Can’t believe you injured me. I’m going to need you to raise my hourly wage as compensation.”

“Aw, man…”

“You didn’t say no!” Ito said, smiling.

(And if they, maybe, stepped on his feet less after that, then that was their business and no one else’s.)

~~~~~~~~

I'm at 1k kudos on AO3 sooooo I'm doing a Q&A

#twisted wonderland #twst yuu #twst grim #enma yuuken #kuroki yuuya #ace trappola #deuce spade #jack howl #scarabia #kalim al asim #jamil viper #octavinelle #jade leech #azul ashengrotto #floyd leech

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roadkillgrlf · 1 month ago

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this year has been so bad for me, God knows something i do not. this is my divine retribution. it is my fate to be in such pain. when i was 11 years old, i would pray and ask “Why me?”

What did i do?

“the Lord must’ve been generous to you.

He never answers any of my prayers.”

i’ve been told that i look like an ‘angel’ and that i embody ‘sweetness.’ sometimes the kindness i hold out on my palm gets eaten away along with my skin. down to the bone.

it hurts to be empathetic.

Sometimes i receive answers when i beg for the children i cannot help. i love them so dearly. i try to donate as much as i can. i am a certified charity worker especially with all the people i have mothered. particularly, the emotionally unavailable.

i cry sometimes when it gets to me. i remember the little ones in primary school coming up to me because somebody was being rude to them. tell me about it, darl. it still happens in high school. i get my hand held while i'm being dragged to the crime scene that i of all people have to mediate apparently. i don't have time for this, it is not that deep. you will not see each other again after this year so js be nice.

does it kill to be compassionate?

i cry when i can’t be there for my friends like oh my gosh, Shanu - you have no idea how badly i wanted to be there for you when i heard some man screamed in your face when he rammed into your car to begin with. i should have been there. i should have given him a piece of my mind. i should have driven you home. i was so worried that i drove up to her house later. i cry when i hear the troubles that my parents face. that my sisters face. that my brother faces. that my sister-in-law faces - she is older than me but i always hold her crying face to my chest. she used to get homesick real bad and her mother passed away. family is family. my cousin passed away this year. he died a painful death. i was never close to him because of the physical distance but nobody deserves what i heard happened to him. nathan, why did you go out with that friend of yours? only to come back and say you regret it - you knew you would regret it because it was not a good friend to begin with. on the day of my cousin's funeral. you said you wished you were there for me.

i cry when i think and think and think.

sometimes i think i could be a teacher. sometimes i believe i could be a psychologist. sometimes i think i could be a social worker. sometimes i believe i could be a lawyer.

“Did it ever occur to you that maybe I don't want to just be someone's dead fucking mum?

...nothing terrifies me more than the thought of having [them] - having nothing whatsoever to remember me by.”

i do love social sciences. i love people and i hate people. i love to learn. my ambition saves me every time. i do want to major somewhere in business, media/marketing, real estate or psychology for sure. law seems like a pain in the arse because i take the legal studies course right now. i dread it. the Australian constitution. very interesting. i will explain it to you if you’d ask. just don’t ask me how school is going because i will stare back. seriously? of all things?

of course, my grades are slipping. is it not obvious? Janet got sexually assaulted on April 19th and then he threw money at her so she could get some Ella-One. it was Easter weekend so i spent the following day doing chores and entertaining people while my lower body was bruised for a week and a half. my whole body ached as i picked my niece up on my hip. i experienced so many side effects, i was so tired. i spent that entire week trying to get myself help on my own.

call that helpline, Janet. it is now or never. school starts in a week. email that teacher and ask for an extension on that task. Miss Strolis is great, she informed the principal then it took me a week or three to go into details with Miss Sa after Mr Shortus pulled me aside. He booked me a meeting with her so fast (within an hour and she is so busy omg) because it is unlike me to be so out of it mid-lesson. call another helpline, Janet because this one was recommended by the previous hotline. Book that medical appointment. i went all alone and felt stupid. now fill out a SARO form with all of his details. the police have a file dedicated to you. the head detective knows you, she wouldn't stop ringing you up on No Caller ID about your dad. caitlin said she wanted my case specifically. i sobbed on new years because it brought me anxiety. i care about him. i could never do that. i could never do that. i could never do that. i could never make a statement. i need to make happy memories before he goes. i forgive for now but i will never forget.

i never wanted your money, dumb fuck. you thought i couldn't fall pregnant in that position? you are beyond stupid. i didn't even want to do it with you. i established boundaries and you broke them saying other women like it...do i look like 'other women' to you? the second you showed up, i knew i should've waited for a lover boy. just the one time i don’t listen to my intuition. Janet, you’ll just be disappointed and go home. No big deal. little did i know that he would do me wrong.

two more times elsewhere. he acts as though he didn’t hold me down and ignore me. i voiced myself many times before and after. i dislike my desire to communicate everything at times because some people will never understand.

i blocked him after this. it began to feel right to do so, that’s why. some say i got raped but i fawned so hard - i wanted to make it bearable for myself. i moved my head up and he forced it down. he tasted so bitter. i enjoyed the singular blowjob i gave before him. i think i threw up. he even asked me about my life for bed talk. he told me he hoped the baby has my eyes. i smiled. i do not know this 24 year old man at all. he does not know me. he does not know where i live. he kept asking as if i would cave in. i said i will walk home each time. he does not know my middle name, surname or a basic thing about me. he kept telling me that he wants to keep me and that he loves me. don't throw that word around, it loses its meaning.

i couldn't affirm my intelligence for days because he said i was a smart girl. i kept fighting back because i knew you were a coward with no guts to kill me.

before leaving, i told him i'm going to the park for a little while. at 11:45pm. another incident almost happened because some man was on my ass for just sitting on a swing and crying. God forbid a girl cope in this day and age. the only reason i kept him unblocked for so long was because some part of me believed if i saw him again then i could finally kill myself shortly after.

you are never out that late, what were you doing? this is not you. this is not you, Janet. what are you doing to yourself? why would you do that? why do you let these people do this to you? why did i do that? why did i do that? why did i? i despise being hypersexual but i thought that one through with a clear mind, i really did. i question myself in third person. sleep was terrible after this and it still is. the first nights, i clung onto my stuffed toys and patted my head while crying to sleep because my dad does that when i’m upset. nobody knew. nobody knew at all. nobody knows actually.

i should've just had sex with Jake but he couldn't get it up - i seriously look that good for you to be so porn-addicted that you could only jerk off to me virtually? i did not want to have sex with you because i wanted an emotional connection first but that is where you drew the line. i was moving too fast for love but not too fast for lust. i met your mother and she was great. she really liked me, i bet she asks about me. i cut you off because i found out you were on dating apps through a friend...while trying to work towards a relationship with me. how could you whine and agree on me not speaking with others while calling some girl...'wifey'? ridiculous. it is so funny how my first date with you was on April 19th 2024.

But why me?

i can navigate my experience of the internet — it is not a universally humane experience. i find green patches in this decaying dome in the form of little people in my little device — i would never hesitate to fill up my watering can for them. i will ask Zeus to show me a sign because he takes them quite seriously. at the slightest mention of him, the entire week’s weather forecast is rainy. the grass really is greener elsewhere anytime the sun is veiled by a cloud of despair. allow me to clear your skies. i will carry your burden with you. with me, you would never be alone. let me go through this with you.

But who will clear my skies?

i will. nobody is saving me. i save myself every single time. the day i lose my will, the world might be ending. how could i lose my willpower? nothing could possibly do that. life plucks away at my heart strings, sometimes i do wonder when broken heart syndrome will be added to my list of diagnoses.

- depression

- generalised anxiety

- sub-clinical ptsd

depression: at first it was bullying, toxic relationships and self destructive tendencies only for me to label it as a "chemical imbalance" now. i actually feel it even at my best. a plague.

generalised anxiety: i got hit as means for discipline but now apparently i'm too grown up to get beaten. they are far too old and frail to be wasting their energy like that. they have learnt to be better. i admire that. i find that older parents grow softer overtime. when i younger, i was bullied into being an introvert then i overcame it so now i get to hop on phone calls with strangers. yay.

sub-clinical ptsd: i would get sexually molested by my dad from the age of three and onwards? that is the earliest i recall it i think. i do not remember this entirely. faded memories yet he pays for my therapy. the last time it happened, i was twelve. fairly recent, i suppose. and my whole family has some illness so the household is interesting but we have learnt to make do - i am proud of that because we are so affectionate/understanding toward each other.

nobody will ever save me. somebody is always leaving. i cannot rely on others for long. i cannot have trust for someone who has not earned it yet. i cannot kill myself just yet, i have to do 'things' before that. i delay it in case i end up living for good. i feel a purpose nearing. since i'm staying with myself on this patch of grass all the time, i might as well save myself. it does not matter if it turns to hay.

#diary entry #also where was my hero and everlong on this list #mayb i looked in the wrong section #ˡᵃˢᵗ_ˢᵉᵉⁿ

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